


Heartbeat

by Mc_Fassy



Category: X-Men (Movies), X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Student/Teacher, Angst, Cherik - Freeform, Drug Dealing, Flashbacks, M/M, illegal experiments, teenage Charles
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-22
Updated: 2014-04-11
Packaged: 2017-11-26 12:46:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 42,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/650670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mc_Fassy/pseuds/Mc_Fassy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>University Cherik-AU.<br/>Charles is a fresher and motivated to work hard at university. But his plans are foiled. He meets Erik Lensherr and soon they both are confronted with problems that go far beyond university topics.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. An Elevator Acquaintance

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfiction in English! I hope there are not too many mistakes in it. Feel free to tell me if you find any!  
> If you found here through tumblr: thank you and I love you! <3  
> Enjoy!

It was 8:45 am and he hurried along the lightly trafficked street where his doctor’s practice was. Why did these stupid tests always take so long? And why did it always have to be in the early morning when there were really more important things to be done than sitting there and waiting for the results?  


Charles didn’t manage to button up his old grey coat while he tried to put the book he had read in the practice into his equally old shoulder bag. Several ring binders, loosely papers, his even older and unfortunately opened pencil case, its content consisting of pencils, ball pens, a pen, two small rubbers, a lot of litter and a ruler, his wallet, even more dirt, three other books and his lunch seemed to be already too much for the little space in his bag. But he wouldn’t buy a bigger one, he had always used this one and he was too attached to it for replacing it.  


He crossed the street without watching the traffic light, a habit that he just couldn’t get rid of. A short look at his watch, that was the oldest piece he was wearing at this moment by the way, told him that he could get to the university in time if he really hurried up. He would have taken the bus but he knew it wouldn’t come before 9 am and that was the beginning of his lecture.  


So Charles took the way through the park he liked to visit when the sun shone through the big and heavy clouds that seemed to like London most of all places in the world. He had no eye for the sun reflecting in the small lake and the swans gliding on the soft waves caused by a fountain in the middle of it. He just had in mind that it was his first day of his university-life and that it was the first impression that determines people’s opinion of somebody. And he was about to be late at his first day! What an impression!  
He knew he couldn’t and mustn’t run so he just walked as fast as possible without stumbling as it often happened to his feet that they wanted to be faster than the other one and ended up in a mess. A mess on the floor of course.  


10 Minutes later and with a healthy red in his cheeks because of the little marathon he entered the giant building of the University of London. As he pushed open the door he caught the eye of 3 other students who turned out to be his neighbours. Many other young people hurried through the building, watching their watches and collecting their stuff so they didn’t notice the aggressive potential here. Bad luck. They were not only his neighbours, they also found it very funny to tease him and to make fun of him.  


Charles immediately turned away his sight but it was too late. They had already recognized his small and thin shape and identified him as a potential victim of a mean joke. While Charles tried to hurry along the wall they made their way through the entry hall and cut him off at the corner. They grinned at him, each of them at least half a head taller than him.  
“Oh, look who’s there!” one of them began in a deep, threatening voice and Charles couldn’t help but swallow and remain silent.  


“Little Charlie really thinks he could start his first day at the University without us having a little fun with him.”, another said and laughed, showing his yellow teeth.  
“Please… just… just let me go.”, Charles mumbled and cursed his habit of stuttering when he was scared, nervous, insecure or threatened. He swallowed again and looked from one mean face with first signs of a beard to another with signs of earlier acne.  


“Oh, well. If you ask so politely… then of course we won’t hold you off any longer.”  
“Yeah, we will immediately start taking your money!”  
Before neither they nor Charles could think about what was said the young man flipped around and run away down the corridor. The three other men watched him perplexedly for a second and then chased him.  


Unfortunately, Charles wasn’t the fastest, indeed he had always been the worst in sports class, so one of the three men could grab his bag. Charles was held off for a short moment, but with a jerky movement he managed to free himself. His bag ripped open and the one who had gripped him fell down backwards and crashed into the other two, dragging them to the bottom. Charles fell down to his knees, grabbed what he could get, stood up again and took flight. He turned left at a corner and saw a man entering one of the three lifts. He couldn’t manage to call him to delay the lift and just made a sound between groaning, gasping and an injured puppy. The man turned around and held open the door, waiting for him to arrive and watching the three other men chasing after him. Charles stumbled into the elevator, immediately turning around and praying that the door would be faster than the men. And it was.  


As soon as the door closed Charles let out a sigh of relief and managed a weak smile. Then he put his stuff into his bag and brushed through his messy hair with a gesture of his right hand to bring it back to his previous state. Then he cleared his throat and watched his saver for the first time. He had trouble sustaining his smile. The man standing next to him was tall, slim, well-toned and very handsome. Charles blinked twice, then he chuckled and licked his bottom lip as a sign of nervousness.  


“Thanks.”, he managed to say, still a little out of breath. The man watched him curiously and gave him a mild smile, Charles could feel his cheeks getting even warmer.  
“You’re welcome. These three didn’t look very friendly and I didn’t want them in here. Good decision, I guess?”, the man answered, pressing the button for the third floor. His voice was deep and clear, yet soft and calm. Charles liked his voice very much and recognized how he still grinned at the taller one. He turned his gaze away quickly and bit the inner side of his cheek. Out of the frying pan into the fire. In the one moment he was chased by three men and in the other he stands next to the man who saved him and couldn’t say a word.  


“I’m Charles Xavier.”, he mumbled and instantly whished he just would have kept silent. Why would this man want to know his stupid and uninteresting name when there were so many other things to be said?! But to his surprise, the other man smirked slightly and turned his sight towards him.  
“Erik Lensherr.”, he replied and held out his hand. Charles held his breath and slowly took this hand, looking strong and feeling cool, as the door swung open.  
“Well, nice to meet you. Maybe we’ll see again.”, Erik said, let go of Charles’ hand and left the elevator.  


Charles stood there for a few seconds, being totally overwhelmed by the impression the man left him with. He closed his mouth that turned out to be open, and then left the little cabin that had prevented him from being attacked.


	2. Questions

It happened that Charles just couldn’t get the young man from the elevator off his mind. He was there before he fell asleep, he was there while he sat in the bus, yes, he even was there when Charles had his daily shower in the morning. It made him blush and curse regularily, driving him crazy. He had never had a crush on anyone and he really didn’t want to. Liking someone made everything so complicated. And his life already was enough of a mess right now.  
University had just started and studying medicine required a lot of time. Though Charles was smart and clever and indeed liked to study it was an adjustment not to be underestimated in comparison to college. On top of that he was the youngest student in his degree and he gathered gazes that clearly told him not to feel special just because he had skipped two grades. It demoralized him. He had never had any special friendship that was more than smalltalk and superficial ‘How are you’-questions.  


Charles had expected social university life to be easier because people ought to be more tolerant and friendly. At first sight they were but he soon had to learn that they were as superficial as everyone else he had met. Once a nice girl had sit down next to him and they had had a very nice chat about what they found fascinating about studying medicine but after the seminar was ofer she had left the room as fast as she could. The next day Charles had seen her at the girl’s restroom whispering to a friend and pointing at him. That was the moment he realized that he really had to work and prove his quality.  


That was the reason why he decided not to be focussed on finding friends. His main goal was to study and he didn’t need friends for that. He had always been a loner and that wouldn’t change. He spent the days at university and its library, working hard right from the beginning. One Friday evening though, at about 5 pm, he had been reading a book about anatomy, it happened to him that his thoughts drifted off to the beginning of the week. He had thought about the doctor, the three guys who chased him and... about Erik Lensherr.  
Charles had blinked and realized that he didn’t remember the content of the last few sentences. Lensherr’s smile had appeared in his mind and made him blush lightly again. His voice and his cool and strong hand, his calm bluegreen eyes staring intensely at him. Charles rubbed his eyes and massaged his temples with two fingers. He had been in the library for 3 hours now and his concentration ran low. When he had tried to re-read the section about the metacarpal bones he was there again. He heard his voice inside his head and the image of him leaving the elevator didn’t leave his mind until he finally capitulated.  


That was the moment when Erik Lensherr started to barely get off Charle’s head. And he caused chaos in there. Questions came out of the blue. Questions Charles had never ever thought about before. Questions about his sexuality, questions about affection and his outward appearance. Charles didn’t think that he was shabby or something. He actually knew he had a certain looks that was considered attractive. Though of course he didn’t look very manly being just about 17. He had dark brown hair with a red shimmer in the sunlight, soft and always falling into his forehead in fluffy waves. His skin was pale, his face covered in freckles, bright blue eyes and red lips completing the image. He was small for his age, only 5,3 ft high, but he didn’t lose hope that he would still grow someday.  


Now that he had met Erik and he just couldn’t stop thinking about him he started to ask himself if he actually liked men in general. The fact hat he had never really thought about what he liked didn’t automatically mean that he was straight. And his encounter with Erik now really made him think about his sexual orientation. No girl had ever shown affection for him and neither had he for a girl. To be honest he had never really had time for those things and apart from that he was yet 17 and not at all a light bloomer.  


Nevertheless Charles wanted to try things out. He didn’t know why but he had the feeling that Erik had just appeared at the right place and time. So he decided to make an attempt to see him again. At least he knew that he went to the university too, that was a good thing to start with. He though about a good way to accidently run into him and finally stuck to the idea of creating a Monday 2.0. He’d wait at the elevator at the same time as last Monday and hope he’d be there again. In addition to his plan he wanted to pimp his style a little. Usually he looked exactly like what he was: a young man concentrating on his studies, all in button-down shirts and neat cardigans.  


In a shopping tour he added slim tight jeans, black leather boots, chucks, buddyhugging shirts and a brandnew black coat to his cardigans, slipovers and ironed trousers. Fortunetaly he never had any hobby to spend money on and he had saved a lot, so he could afford a whole bunch of new and fashionable clothes. Next time Erik saw him he’d see a different Charles, a young and attractive, self-confident Charles ready to try something new.  


It was exactly one week after the meeting with Erik when the young, enthusiastic Charles was at the university exactly at the same time as last Monday. The only thing he knew about him was his name and that he had been here at about 9:00 am. So very probably he would have a lecture at this time.  


Charles was dressed in tight blue jeans, red chucks and a red T-shirt that pointed out his slight fugure and plain belly. On top of that he wore his new black coat, the piece of clothing he liked the most and which gave him a fashionable look.  


It was 8:35 when Charles entered the University of London. He tried to look easy-going and it happened that the three boys who had been teasing him didn’t even notice it was actually the little Xavier-boy looking so cool, smart and yes, even attractive and sexy in some way. He didn’t know he had this effect on other people and rather worried about that he might look ridiculous, feeling a bit silly. He knew he was not unattractive but being sexy was something completely different and more complex, espescially when you don’t know what the person you want to impress really likes.  


Last night he had thought about what to say to Erik if he met him and how to act smart and charming without being obstrusive. Phrases like ‘Look who comes there, my knight in gold shining armor’ and other stupid chat-up lines like that had come to his mind so he just decided to be spontaneous. That really was it, that was his preparation.  


He waited until 8:56 for Erik but he hadn't appeared until then. Charles was a very patient person but somehow waiting next to the elevator for a man he didn’t even know asked too much of his patience. He became unsatisfied and his nervousness made him sweat a little. He started to take off his coat, pulling out his left arm when things went all wrong. His bag slowly slipped off his shoulder and right in the moment when it fell down he suddenly was there. Erik Lensherr came around the corner. It was exactly the same second when he looked up from his watch and saw Charles and his bag restricted to gravitational force. Of course its content spread all over the floor once again and when the young man kneeled down to collect it Erik Lensherr arrived.  


Charles didn’t even see him when he cursed all his stuff and his bag and the whole world because he was unable to just stand there and wait for someone without making himself a complete fool. He lifted his gaze and was confronted with a pair of slim legs in dress pants. He was about to curse his bloody parents too for passing their stupid genes on to him right in that moment. Then he swallowed and instantly simpered with all his mental power before he stood up and looked at Erik Lensherr. Clearing his throat, he wiped the invisible dirt off his brandnew coat.  


“So you manage to spread your stuff without being chased by some semi-adult students. Congratulations.” Erik said with a smirk on his lips and a mischievous look in his eyes. Charles mouth swang open but he managed to turn it into a lovely smile. At least his genes included this ability.  


“People wouldn’t believe me when I told them I had the power to throw things around.” He said and closed his shoulder bag while Erik pushed the button to call the elevator. To his surprise Erik laughed and that made him smile in return.  
“So, what are you studying except for the object and gravitation ratio?”  
Charles couldn’t believe his ears. Was Erik just asking him something? Ok, he had to keep cool. He reminded himself to continue breathing.  
“I study medicine. It’s my first semestre.”  
“And do you like it? I’ve heard people say it was hard work and only 50% of the freshers pass the first exams.”  


Charles stared at him in astonishment and shock. He didn’t know that.  
“Thanks for spoiling my future plans before my second week begins.” he complained and made a face. Erik smirked again. Charles liked the way his mouth twitched a little before it uncovered two rows of perfect white teeth. And he also liked the pit marks that showed up every time he did that.  
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you off. In fact I lied. Everyone passes and the sheets turn into butterflies when they’re handed in.”  
“What a fertile imagination you have, Mr. Lensherr.”  
Laughter again.  


“You can call me Erik by the way. I expect you are older than 18 when you’re already going to university.”  
“I am not, to be honest. I am 17 and a half. I skipped two grades, one at High School and one at College.”  
“Guess you’re a real high-flyer then, Charles. For sure you’ll pass all the exams.”  


Charles lowered his gaze and blushed, asking himself why he always had to look like a tomato when he really wanted to look good. The colour of his cheeks clashed with the red of his shirt and he convulsively tried to regain a natural fleshtone. Right in that moment the door of the elevator opened and they entered. Erik pressed the button for the third floor again and watched the younger man inquiringly.  


“Oh, no. I have to go to the third floor too.” A bare lie. He had to go to the second. Erik watched him as if he sensed his lie but Charles just kept smiling. If he stopped he would know. And he had already made an embarrassing first impression, he couldn’t afford more of that.  
“Well, how old are you then?” Charles asked to break the silence.  
“I’m 24.”  


Charles raised his left eyebrow in a manner of surprise. He would not have thought that. Erik looked a little older than he was. But maybe it was because his eyes showed signs of a long and hard night, or week, maybe he already had to practice for upcoming exams?  


The elevator moved and Charles checked his watch. In the corner of his eye he could see that Erik was checking something very different. When the young man had kneeled down to collect his stuff his shirt had slipped and uncovered a small bit of his belly when he had straightened up again. And that was where Erik’s eyes were pinned now. Charles’ bit his bottom lip and swallowed. God, why was he so nervous? Time flew. The door opened again. He dared not to lift his head and pretended to think about something extremely important. Then they got out of the little room that suddenly seemed very hot and oxygen poor.  


“Well then, Charles. I have to hurry up. It appears that I’m always late on Mondays. But all good things come in threes, so I guess we’ll see each other next Monday.”  
“That would have been my guess too. Bye then, Monday-cursed Mr... uhm... Erik.”  
The tall man smirked a last time and hurried down the corridor. Charles watched him until he was out of sight and pressed the button to open the elevator door again. When he entered he smirked to himself. This was not as bad as he had expected in the end. Things would be going to be fun.


	3. A troubled mind

Erik yawned when he left the university. He was very tired, he had stayed up half of the night to finish some work and he had gotten up very early to do his Monday-workout. Skipping it was not an option. Erik was very disciplined and really cared for his health and body. He went to the gym at least 3 times a week and if he could afford it he even did his practice on Sundays. Except for his work and his exercise he didn’t had much to do, sometimes he had to travel a bit for his work and sometimes he went out with his old friend Logan but that was it. Logan was not even a real friend because they saw each other about once a month. Then there were all the people he knew at university and work but they barely even counted as aquaintances. Erik didn’t ask much of his life and that probably was one of his worse character traits. His parents had died when he was a child and he had no other siblings. In fact, his childhood had been very short. Aditionally to visiting school he had started to work at 13. He had saved money at a very young age and that was the reason why he could afford a life in London now. Nobody knew about his past except for Logan. They had worked at the same bakery back then and they had become friends more or less during this time. Both of them shared a similar past and that was why they had sticked together altough they were loners.  


While Erik’s thought that he might call Logan again after 3 weeks of not having talked to him, he stepped out of his car. He locked it and entered the apartment building that he lived in, checked his mail box and got out what was in there. Some advertisement of the nearest supermarket, a bill and... his heart jumped violently. For a few seconds he didn’t breathe. He couldn’t believe his eyes. Without looking at the envelope again he put it into his coat pocket very quickly and went upstairs. He lived on the second floor in a quite big and modern apartment; Erik liked it to have space to breathe. But suddenly breathing properly was not that easy any more. After having closed the door he shut his eyes and leaned against it to slow down his pulse. He had always known it would happen. But he had always wished he would never know because he really didn’t want to. This part of his life was over and he didn’t want it to come back. But there was the letter. Right in his pocket. His left hand was curled up into a fist and he had to breathe very slowly for a whole minute until he was able to move again. His hand was all sweaty when he put his briefcase onto the kitchen table. He wiped them off at his trousers. Then he reached into his pocket and got it out.  


Erik Lensherr was not a fearful man but he just didn’t manage to look at the disturbing piece of paper. The advertising seemed to scream at him, it lay at the top and covered the other letters. Erik clenched the edge of the table and changed his position twice, neither daring to look away, nor being able to look at the envelope again. After a moment of fighting this fear he surrendered. That was a part of his life he had never faced and he didn’t want to.  


He turned around and took off the coat, telling himself that the content couldn’t be that important. His hand automatically reached for the remote control and switched on the television. Sound was best when he wanted to repress something very uncomfortable. And cooking dinner was even better.  


He tried very hard to forget that piece of paper that waited there on the kitchen table to be opened. He had supper, he went to the gym and he read a chapter of his favourite book until he was tired enough to go to sleep. The next morning seemed better. He hadn’t slept well but at least he didn’t think of the letter every second his mind had nothing to do. Erik had to work on Tuesdays and later that day he had an appointment. It was the ‘once in the year you better go to the doctor and have yourself checked’ kind of visit but at least it made him think about other things.  


It was 3:50 pm when he arrived at the praxis. He had one of the latest appointments possible because he couldn’t manage coming here earlier so there were no people there. Except for one person. And he knew him.  


“Charles Xavier, what a surprise.” Erik greeted the young boy while he took off his coat. A smile formed up on Charles’ face but nevertheless he looked a bit sick.  
“Erik!” the young man gasped in surprise. “I didn’t know we’re visiting the same doctor. Are you alright?”  
When Erik saw the worry line between his eyebrows he had to smile. Then he took place next to him.  
“Yeah, I’m alright, don’t worry.” Charles flushed and stared at his ankles.  
“But you do look sick, mate. You’re pale.” Now it was Erik’s turn to be worried. Strangely, he actually did care for this boy although he barely knew him. Charles avoided his gaze and stared at his fingers now.  
“Oh, I know. Happens that I do look a little bit pale now and then.” He said shyly, as if it was very uncomfortable to talk about that issue. He watched the clock on the wall and chewed his bottom lip.  


“Well, I hope you’re not going to be ill. You didn’t forget our date next Monday?” Erik joked. When he watched Charles again he was staring at him in shock and excitement.  
“What?”  
“Just kidding, mate.”  
“Oh...”  
Erik frowned. Charles behaved very queer. Yesterday and the Monday before he had acted differently. He remembered him rather smart and charming, always having a nice smile on his lips. Now he seemed very shy and confused, almost uncomfortable at his side. Could it be his fault?  


Erik decided not to bother him any longer and sit there in silence until one of them was going to get to the doctor. It turned 4 pm when Charles suddenly leaned forward and fumbled with his bag. Erik concentrated on not looking at what he was going to get out but he could hear it. The perfidious rustling of a pill’s wrapping and the snapping sound of squeezing it out. The boy paused as if he was waiting for a reaction. Erik kept silent and said nothing. In a quick and sublte movement Charles let the pill disappear into his mouth and swallowed it at once as if nothing had ever happened. Just in the next moment the assistant doctor came in and requested him to follow.  


“Well... Goodbye.” Charles mumbled, Cheeks all red and eyes a little blurry. Erik kept his polite manners and smiled at him as normally as possible.  
“Bye.”  


By the instant the pale boy had left the waiting room Erik’s thoughts were estimating. What did that mean? Why had he acted so awkwardly? Why had he been so pale and –that was the question that bothered him the most- why didn’t Charles want him to see that he had to take a pill? Was there anything wrong with it? Taking a tablet was nothing special. Unless... Erik didn’t have time to think about that any longer. He followed the assistant and got into the doctor’s office. Dr. McCoy appeared shortly after him.  


“Hello, Mr Lensherr.” he said and smiled a friendly doctor-smile. “Has one year passed already?”  
Erik returned the smile. “Yes, it seems so. Time flies.”  
“Indeed it does. How are you feeling?” The thought of the letter appeared on his mind for the fraction of a second.  
“I’m fine. No complaints, no pain, no stress. Still going to the gym three times a week.”  
“Eating healthy and diversified?”  
“Yes.”  
“Wonderful. Then let’s check your heart and lungs.”  


Erik disenganged from his Pullover and Dr. McCoy put on his stethoscope. Erik knew the procedure and breathed deeply and slowly while the cool knob wandered first over his back and then his breast. After diagnosing the heart and lungs to work perfectly he measured his pulse and blood pressure. All data equated the optimum.  
“So, looks like you’re perfectly healthy, Mr. Lensherr. Whish all my patients paid as much attention to their body and nourishment as you do. With your physical condition I would highly recommend you to consider becoming an organ donor.”  


Erik raised his eyebrows in astonishment. He was proud of his health but he had never thought about that. He didn’t know what to say.  
“Don’t worry, you don’t have to decide just yet. I only wanted to introduce you to the opportunity of possibly saving a life. Think about this possibility and come again if you want to have a donor codicil made or want further information.”  
“Thank you, I will.”  
“Well then, goodbye Mr. Lensherr and stay as healthy as you are.”  


After he had got dressed again Erik left the praxis. His mind seemed to burst with thoughts. But it was not the idea of becoming an organ donor that troubled him so much. He just couldn’t stop thinking about how awkwardly Charles had behaved. Eriks face reminded of the transfixed stare of a marmoreal bust. It didn’t move a single bit on his way home.  
Did he make things up? Charles had just taken a tablet but Erik felt highly disturbed by the way he took it. He had acted as if it was a wrong thing to do, as if nobody had ever been expected to see it. Slowly, a thought grew in Erik’s mind, a thought that infiltrated all othes and made his head ache. It was the last thing he could think of before going to sleep. Charles was possibly taking drugs.


	4. Stalking

Erik completely forgot the letter he had gotten on Monday and kept his mind busy with the question whether Charles took drugs. He thought the boy wasn’t quite the person to do any illegal stuff but this image slowly began to crackle. Maybe the boy was just good at acting normal. Now that Erik thought about it he noticed that there were indeed some hints that Charles was not as healthy as he looked at first sight. He was thin and looked a little weak, though that didn’t proove anything of course. But Erik remembered that when he had seen him for the first time –after he had run the short distance from the entry hall to the elevator– he was panting as if he had just run a marathon. People addicted to drugs were said to have a bad endurance.  


After 4 more days of recapitulating the events he still didn’t know what to think. It was Monday morning and he expected that he would meet Charles again. He wondered if he was going to look as ill as he had last Tuesday and how he would behave today. Erik didn’t want to run the risk of missing him so he was there at 8:35 am. He bought a newspaper and a black coffee at the kiosk and sat down on the gallery from where he had a perfect overview of the entry hall. It didn’t take long until he spotted a familiar shock of hair down there. Quickly he drank up his coffe, gripped his newspaper and went down the stairs to go to the elevator.  


When Charles spotted him his face melted into an expression of joy and nervousness. Despite his doubtful thoughts Erik couldn’t help himself and repaid the smile.  
“Good morning, Erik!” Charles greeted him and tended his head to one side, so his fluffy hair fell into his eyes. For a short moment Erik couldn’t tear his gaze off the shorter one but he quickly bucked up. He decided not to mention what had happened last Tuesday.  


“Good morning, mate. Could you please stop smiling at me so brightly? I don’t have my sunglasses with me.” Erik replied and smirked when Charles’ cheeks turned pink. The boy wasn’t able to repress a flattered smile, so he lowered his gaze in abashment. While Charles tried to hide his face colour, Erik stared at these bright blue eyes that matched the colour of the sea. In contrast to his red lips and pink cheeks they seemed to glow. His eyecolor perfectly replied to the blue of his pullover and his light beige trousers. After a few seconds Erik caught himself out staring at the younger man again and forced his eyes to focus on something different.  


“Sorry, I didn’t want to blind you.” Charles said clumsily and twitched the hem of his pullover. It was clearly visible that he wanted to say something and didn’t know how to begin. Erik felt the need to avoid any nasty topics.  
“Well, it’s your third week at university. How’s it going?”  
“Uhm... well, it’s exhausting and requiring a lot of time. But I love studying and I love medicine. And I want to be a doctor someday so I have to work hard. I won’t yammer.” His face got a melancholic expression for one second but it was gone before Erik had really recognized it.  


“If you stick to this engagement you’ll be a doctor sooner than you’d wish, I promise that.”  
“I hope so!” Charles called the elevator and the dors opened immediately. “Do you have any dreams concerning your career?”  
Erik closed his eyes for a second. That was a very nasty topic.  
“You will laugh at me if I tell you.”  


Charles eyes went wide out of curiosity and he shook his head “I promise I won’t!”  
“Well...” Erik watched him for a moment and sighed. “I dreamed of becoming a novelist when I was younger.”  
“Why should I laugh at that? That’s a wonderful goal and nothing to be ashamed of. You’re talented! You always know what to say and you play with words like it’s sorcery. Seriously, I can imagine you as a famous writer. When I think of me stuttering like a baby girl... honestly, I always feel like an idiot talking to you when you’re so eloquent.”  


Erik blinked and, funnily, didn’t know what to say. Now it was his cheeks that turned a little pinkish. When Charles realized what he had just said he joined Erik in flushing.  
“Eh... sorry...” he murmured and squinted his eyes. Erik giggled, because of this flattery as well as due to the view Charles demonstrated. By that moment he had nearly forgotten that the boy in front of him was possibly addicted to pills. He looked quite lovely today and his facial colour looked healthy again. But that didn’t mean anything.  
“Thank you. You’re the first one that has ever told me so.” Erik admitted and remembered a very uncomfortable situation for a second.  
“I cannot believe that, Erik.”  


The elevator stopped and they stepped out into the corridor. Charles didn’t turn around like he always did so Erik just went into the direction where his lecture hall was. The boy just followed him.  
“I think you have to tell me more about you someday.” Charles suddenly said and blushed again. He looked quite nervous all of a sudden.  
“Well, I think 5 minutes every Monday before lecture will not be enough to tell you more.”  
“Who said I meant our Monday meetings? What about if we... drank a coffe together or... something?”  


Erik blinked. They had entered the room when Charles had said that last thing but there were only few students here yet. He stared at the younger man and didn’t know how to reply. Had Charles just asked him out? The boy looked flustered and Erik could see that he had to try hard not to run off and avoid the answer. After a few moments of silence the situation became uneasy. Charles bit his bottom lip and his fingers began to twitch in nervousness. When Erik saw that he suddenly remembered the unsolved drug question. Meeting Charles outside his schedule would be the perfect opportunity to find out more about him.  


“S-So?” Charles stammered, still not looking away.  
“Uhm... I’d say.... yes, that’d be very nice.” Erik finally answered and forced a smile onto his lips while Charles breathed out in relief. His fingers kept twitching though.  
“Okay... eh... may I have... your... uhm... your phone number then?”  
Erik blinked again and felt so puzzled that he took a few moments to reply.  


“Yes! Yes, of course.” He got out a note pad and a pen and scribbled his mobile phone number on it before he broke the paper off and handed it to Charles. Their fingers touched shortly when he took it. Now Charles’ fingers finally had something to hold on to instead of twitching all the time. Then there was silence again and Erik felt the need to say something. But he still was too surprized to do some smalltalk, standing here at the front of his lecture hall. Charles was the first to resume the conversation.  
“So, what seminar do you have here? What are you even stuyding? I still haven’t asked that.”  


Another embarrassing break, Erik raised his eyebrows in a mixture of amusement and surprise.  
“I’m... not a student. I’m the lecturer for romance philology and journalism here.” He said and went to the lectern to take off his bag. Charles stood there, frozen up, his mouth quivered and he blinked as if he was trying to chase away a bad dream.  


“You are... a professor?”  
Erik nodded and tried a reassuring smile but the boy seemed to implode at any second. His face turned red all over, his breath grew very unsteady, his hands curled into fists and his bottom lip shivered.  


“Charles? Are you alright?” Obviously he had expected that he was a student as well but only half a year ago Erik had started to do the lecture here three times a week.  
“Ah, yes. Yes, I’m alright.” He glanced at his watch. “Oh it’s nearly 9! Sorry, Mr. Le– uhm... Erik. I’m going to text you! Bye!”  


Before Erik could say goodbye, Charles had excaped the room. He didn’t see him for the rest of the day but probably it was better that way. There was enough on his mind already. Not only that he had to find out whether Charles took drugs, the boy also seemed to have a little crush on him. And he had asked him out though Erik was a lecturer and he was a student in his first semestre. If they actually started to date, which he doubted, people could see them. Erik wasn’t homophobic but it could be problematic if an academic and a student had an affair. He didn’t want to risk neither his nor Charles’ career in any way. But it was his duty to look after any student that had problems and apart from that, Erik was personally interested in Charles’ health. He did like him and he seemed to have a serious interest in becoming a doctor, so Erik would do his best to help him. If that meant to go on a date with him –though none of them had ever said it would be one– he’d do it. Should Charles show any further interest in dating him he would of course tell im that he didn’t share that whish and that it’d be a bad idea anyway.  


After his lecture he had an hour off so he decided to do some research about Charles Xavier. He went to his little office at the end of the corridor and turned on the computer. Of course there wouldn’t be that much information since he had only started to study. Erik wrote down his adress, in case something happened. There wasn’t any information about his family relations so Erik expected there were none worth mentioning. At least he could relate to that.  


After that Erik searched for Charles’ schedule. If he wanted to find out whether he took drugs he had to catch him in the act of doing it and that would happen more likely when he thought he was unobserved. When Erik wrote down his lectures he felt like a goddamn stalker. For a moment he reflected about it all and that maybe he shouldn’t interfere in Charles’ private life but he felt responsible for this boy. And as soon as he remembered his pale face last Tuesday the thought vanished. He had to find out.  


For the rest of the day Erik kept himself busy with his seminars and a lot of paperwork. He managed to concentrate until it was 4:45 pm, when he got hungry. That was his signal for closing time. A quick look at his notes told him that Charles’ anatomy lecture was over in 15 minutes. His stomach tightened when he made his way to the medical faculty, because of his bad conscience, but he ignored it. The first students left the room and Erik pretended to inspect the black board while he watched out for Charles. He was one of the last people that left the hall and Erik feared he might glimpse him but he seemed distracted.  


Erik waited until the boy had turned around and then slowly and carefully followed him, trying not to draw too much attention. Charles went to the bus stop and checked his watch before he got out a small packing. Erik tried to listen to the sound of the tablet being pressed out of it but he was too far away. The next thing he saw was Charles swallowing the tablet like he had done last time. If Erik just knew what kind of pill it was... Maybe he was just taking some antiallercig pills or vitamins. Once again Erik felt like it was completely wrong to stalk him like that. He turned around and went to the parking area behind the university.  


He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t even check his letter box when he was home. Later that evening, while he was reading in his bed, his phone rang. He had gotten a text message. He didn’t know the number and it was not saved as a known contact so Erik supposed it was Charles who had texted him. And he was right.  


  


_“Hey, Erik. I’m sorry for my behaviour this morning. Hope you don’t mistake me for a geen boy. Do you still want to drink some coffee with me? -C.F.X.”_  


  


Erik smiled to himself and saved Charles’ telephone number. He wondered if he should reply directly or if he should wait until the next morning. His conclusion was that he first wanted to finish the chapter, but after a few sentences he found himself tipping on his phone.  


  


_“Don’t worry, I don’t think you’re that green. Coffee sounds nice. How ‘bout Saturday afternoon?”_  


  


He didn’t have to wait long for an answer.  


  


_“Saturday afternoon. It’s set then. 4pm at the CaffeInn. See you!”_


	5. Differently Than Planned

The whole week Charles tried to forget his embarrassing behaviour on Monday. He couldn’t believe that he had thought Erik was a student whereas, in fact, Erik was a lecturer. Charles had never felt so stupid in his whole life, standing there in the lecture hall and asking what he studied. His face still went a little red when he remembered the situation. But he was a man of actions and he had decided to not let this ruin his plans. Well... if he had any. The only thing he knew was that he really liked Erik Lensherr. And he hadn’t run yet so there still existed a little chance that Erik liked him too, despite the embarrasing impressions he always left the poor man with.  


Charles worked hard that week, copying his notes, learning by heart what was requested on the test on Friday and practicing some Latin vocabulary. He was very studious anyway but he wanted to have everything done before Saturday. It was the first chance to meet Erik on purpose and he didn’t plan to spoil it with university stuff on his mind. He was such a busy bee that he had nothing to do on Saturday then, wandering through his flat, doing the sink, cleaning windows, dusting and doing the laundry. He was done with that too until 1pm and there were still 3 hours to go. Finally, he decided to do some research about Mr. Erik Lensherr while watching television.  


There was only little information about him on the university’s homepage. Erik was 24, lived in London, single and professor of romance philology and journalism. When Charles was about to turn off the laptop he discovered something else that sounded very interesting to him. Erik had lived in Germany. Charles wondered why he had come to England and made a note in his mind that this could be an interesting topic to talk about. He went on searching for more information until he stumbled upon a newspaper article.  


It was a photo that caught Charles’ interest. There were police officers arresting a man who was shouting and pointing at a young boy, probably 9 or 10 years old, shaven-headed. Reading the description under the photo, he recognized that the boy was Erik. In Germany. He looked battered, his forehead, his nose and his shoulder bleeding, bruises, scratches and dirt all over his thin shape. Charles blinked in bemusement and shock, reading again what the description of the photo said.  


**Police arrests black marketer Klaus Schmidt**  


_November 21st 1984, Düsseldorf  
_

_The special task force managed to arrest Klaus Schmidt after long negociation, finally saving the 10 years old Erik Lensherr, who had been kidnapped and put into life danger._  


Charles couldn’t believe his eyes. That must be a very great confusion! That obviously couldn’t be true. Professor Erik Lensherr, with the mild smile and smart words, couldn’t be the young Erik Lensherr on the photo.  


He wanted to click on the link and read the article but it said that the page couldn’t be found or had been deleted. But there was a second link on the bottom of the page, leading to a missing person’s report. It was Erik again. Three months later, on the 29th Febuary 1985, Erik Lensherr had been posted as missing. It was him. The bruises had gone, hair had grown on his head again. But it was him.  


Charles saved the homepage and closed his laptop. He sat there for more than 10 minutes, thinking about what he had just read and seen, cursing his noisiness. How was he supposed to meet Erik now? He for sure would say something very stupid, dropping a brick again...  


“No... no, Charles, you have to pretend as if you didn’t see anything.” he murmured to himself, putting away the laptop and going to the bathroom, taking a really long shower. He told himself that Erik’s past wasn’t a topic he should care about so much, it was none of his business. Obviously, an abduction was something one would prefer to forget and Charles could understand that need far too good.  


  


Three hours later he waited in front of his favourite café. It was nearly 4pm and he was nervous as hell, with sweating hands and biting his lip again. He had tried hard to look good today, wearing his new ankle boots and tight black jeans he had stuffed untidily into them. Furthermore he had chosen a bright blue v-neck shirt, a grey vest and his black coat again. Charles had spent one and a half hour in the bath room, combing his hair and forcing it into shapes and styles it had never seen before and wouldn’t ever again in the future, for it was now an impenetrable mess of waves and spikes standing in every possible direction. It looked perfectly unintentionally-wilde in a manner of ‘I-just-got-out-of-my-bed-but-I-look-good-anyway’, but Charles didn’t believe he would be able to do that again. In the end his back had ached from holding up his arms again and again, fighting the desperate and bloody fight of hair against fashion.  


Charles quickly swallowed his 4pm-pill, following the timetable he was so used to that if he didn’t take it he completely freaked out. Under no circumstances he wanted to do it in front of Erik because that could cause nasty questions. It wouldn’t be the first time he had problems with these pills, last week he had had a seizure because the package had been empty and he hadn’t been able to provide new pills. He couldn’t bear that to happen again, especially not in front of Erik. It was already bad enough that he had seen him still suffering from the effects of his breakdown.  


When he tore himself away from the thought of what had happened that Tuesday, Charles suddenly saw him. Erik crossed the street, hastily putting a note pad into his shoulder bag and smiling at him until they directly faced each other. Erik looked extremely handsome and sportive, wearing a brown leather jacket, a dark grey shirt and bluejeans, his gaze appeared very watchful.  


“Hey Charles!” he greeted him, accompanied by a mild touch on the shoulder, leaving the young studend abashed.  
“Hi, Erik.” Charles answered, concentrating on not spoiling the atmosphere. “Have you found here easily?”  
“Yes, yes I have. Though I have to admit that I’ve never been here before.” Erik watched the sign of the CaffeInn. “It actually doesn’t even look like a café at first sight.”  
“That is because it’s a hotel too.”  
Erik’s face lighted up, understanding why he had never recognized this café though it wasn’t far away from his home. For the splint of a second he wondered if there was a special reason why Charles had chosen the only café that was a hotel too, but he abandoned that thought very quickly.  


“Let’s go inside then.” Erik said, smiling gently at the smaller one and making a gesture that told Charles to go ahead, following directly after him. The café was very homely and Erik liked the warm atmosphere there. They chose a table at the end of the café, next to a big window. Unconsciously, Erik offered Charles a seat and took his coat, recognizing the soft pink on his cheeks. After he had hung up the clothes he sat down too.  
“You’re a real gentleman.” Charles noticed, smiling shyly and charming as always.  
“My parents have bred me well.” Erik answered, returning the smile. Charles remembered the photo he had seen today and blinked, trying to chase away all the questions that came so his mind all of a sudden.  


“Yeah... seems so.” He said, checking the menu although he already knew what he was going to order: black tea. Soon after Erik had chosen he waved for the waitress and ordered a cappuchino and, after having asked, Charles’ black tea.  
“So, Erik.” The younger started again “For how long are you a lecturer at university? Most of my professors are dragons and wizards so it was actually not that naive that I thought you are a student.”  
Erik chuckled, showing a shiny white row of perfect teeth.  
“Well, to be honest... I have a deal with the devil and I am older than all of your professors together. I sold my soul and got eternal youth in return and I don’t know who’s made the better trade.”  
Charles laughed. “Then your real name must be Dorian Gray. May I have an autograph?” They both laughed again until Erik finally answered Charles previous question.  
“I am lecturer for 7 months now. You’re not the only one who mistook me for a student. Many of them think I am one of them when they see me for the first time and then they end up just like you did.”  
“Well, that helps a little.” Charles answered, and it was true. He didn’t feel that stupid anymore. “When did you get your doctor’s degree?”  
“That was one and a half year ago. I’m not only working at university, my main job is at a local newspaper’s office.”  
Charles’ eyes went wide, he remembered that Erik wanted to become a writer someday and working for the newspaper sounded good to him.  
“But it’s rather the publishing and managing stuff I am doing, which is quite... well, boring.”  
“Hmm, I’m sorry for that. Don’t you write at all? I thought you wanted to become a novelist?”  
Erik sighed and shruged. “Well, it’s not that easy to write for a newspaper. My manager won’t read my articles and the only thing I am allowed to publish is the weekly column, which is strickted to 300 words.”  


Charles wondered why he hadn’t found it on the internet. It had to be a really small paper when it didn’t even put the columns online.  
“That sounds frustrating.” He said in a sad voice “But I promise I’ll buy the newspaper and read your columns every week! I’m sure it’s great.”  
His heart made a violent jump when Charles noticed the happy look in Erik’s eyes and the bright smile on his lips. He lowered his gaze and fumbled with the tablecloth.  
“So, Charles, you are not the only one who wants to know more. I have told you something about me and now it’s your turn.” Erik said and rested his elbows on the table.  
“Uh... okay, what do you want to know then?”  
In fact Charles didn’t feel like telling him that much about him. Before Erik could think about a question the waitress brought the coffee and tea. The student waited while dropping two pieces of sugar into his tea.  


“There’s much I want to know about you.” Erik finally said and Charles noticed a tone he didn’t like at all. It sounded worried and a bit judging and he was irritated for a moment, leaving the spoon he had put in his mouth where it was.  
“At first I want to know more about your family.” The other continued, and he couldn’t have chosen a more annoying topic.  
Charles laid the spoon onto the saucer and said: “Well... there’s not much to know. Most people pity me and see me with different eyes when I tell them, but...” he hesitated, remembering that he had to pretend as if he didn’t see the photo on the internet. Erik had gone through worse than he had, so Charles expected it was okay if he told him the truth.  
“What is it?” the older one asked, a line of seriousness forming up between his eyebrows.  


“I am an orphan. My father died long ago, I can barely remember his face, and my mother followed when I was 8.”  
There was an expression of sorrow and compassion on Erik’s face, but not the usual frown of pity Charles always received when people learned he was an orphan. He watched the other lean back, his fingers played with the fork.  


“I can relate to that.” Erik said, a sad smile appearing on his lips. “My parents... uhm... died when I was 9.”  
Charles felt as if someone had punched him in the stomach, his guts tightened up into a knot. Erik had not only once been kidnapped, he was an orphan too. And his parents had died even before Klaus Schmidt had abducted him. He felt dizzy all of a sudden.  


“I... I am so sorry for that, Erik.” He mumbled, swallowing the urge to hug him. Instead, his hand moved on its own and lay on top of Erik’s in the next second. Charles’ cheeks blushed when he realized what he was doing and he was about to flinch away, but the feeling of a warm thumb stroking his own for a short moment delayed him. He felt his heart ache again.  
After a short moment he let go of Erik’s hand though, he didn’t want him to know that he had a little crush on him. Not yet.  
“Seems like we share a similar fate, eh?” Erik said, chasing away the serious atmosphere. But Charles knew better. They didn’t share a similar past. Not at all. They were both orphans but that was everything they shared. Nevertheless he had to maintain the image.  


“I guess so.” He agreed and took a sip of his tea, watching Erik doing the same with his cappuchino. “So it’s my turn again then to ask a question.”  
“Proceed.”  
“Uhm...” Charles pondered “Where are you born?” he asked and regretted it in the second it left his mouth. Why was he a complete failure at hiding something? Wasn’t it awkward to ask for the place of birth right away? Charles thought it was and imagined a suspicious look in Erik’s eyes. Then it hit him like a shot and he knew how to rescue himself.  
“Lensherr is not a common name in England. Where’s it from?”  
“Actually it’s a german name. My whole family’s from Germany.” He answered and nipped on his coffee again. “I am born in Poland though. We went to Düsseldorf, Germany, before I was 2 years old.”  


Charles nodded, slowly starting to get an image of Erik Lensherr. His youth must have been everything else but long and happy. Somehow he wanted to tell him that he knew what had happened in Düsseldorf back then, but he stopped himself and bit his bottom lip again. Erik cleared his throat.  
“My turn again.” He said, smiling mildly for a short moment. But his face froze quickly, as if he thought about something that bothered him. Charles frowned.  
“Where are you living?” Erik asked, the serious expression was gone again. The student told him about his simple living conditions, his small flat and the way he had happened to live there. After that, their conversation was much more informal and Charles started to enjoy himself with Erik, admiring his ease of handling words. They talked for several hours in the café and time flew. When they finally got out, Charles had somehow managed to ask if Erik would want to walk through the park with him, stuttering and turning pink all over again. To his surprise he had agreed and they had entered the park next-door. The sun slowly went down already.  


“So you’re some kind of highly talented superbrain.” Erik said, giggling and earning a lemon-faced gaze from Charles.  
“I have an IQ of 124. I’m not super smart, Erik.” The smaller chuckled and flushed lightly. “My mom had me tested at an age of 5 because I kept playing complicated piano pieces and showed interest in mathematic equations that occured at college.”  


Erik laughed hartily and threw his head back. Charles watched him doing that, a cheeky smile curling his lips. Then suddenly he stopped walking and hold his breath, closing his eyes for a second. He knew he had to wait a moment and it’d be over soon, he had taken his...  
His eyes flew open again. Hastily, he checked his clock and let out a whimper of desperation. It was 8:30 pm already and he had been so distracted that he had missed the pill at 7! Erik turned around, looking for Charles when he wasn’t at his side anymore. The smile on his face vanished when he saw his younger friend. His face was completely sallow, his breath quick and unsteady.  


“Charles? What’s wrong?” he worried and put a hand on his shoulder.  
“I-I... I am... I don’t... I feel dizzy.” He muffled, his hands started to tremble.  
“Come on, sit down for a second.” Erik put his arm around the smaller one and led him to the next bench, slowly and carefully, holding him pressed to his side. That didn’t help Charles very much, for his heart beated even faster. His head felt like it was going to explode any second and there was a sharp pain in his chest. He needed to take his pill, otherwise he would have another breakdown, but Charles didn’t want Erik to see it. He would ask. And he didn’t want to answer his questions! Trying to slow his breath and to repress the pain in his chest, he sat still for a few moments. But it didn’t get better, of course it didn’t. He couldn’t control it.  
“Charles, do you need something? Shall I call the ambulance?” Erik asked, voice dripping with trouble.  
“No! No, don’t call... the ambulance!” Charles pressed out between his gritted teeth. He was desperate but he’d rather collapse right there on the floor than calling the ambulance. Erik patted his shoulder, trying to comfort him, still shocked by what was happening. His lips parted a few times but he didn’t say anything. Then Charles let out a muffled groan of pain and his hand clenched his chest, his thorso bending forward. Erik stood up.  


“Sorry, Charles, but I’m not going to sit here and remain deedless!” he said, his hands curled up in fists. “I’m gonna c-“  
“NO!” Charles screamed, staring at him in anger and pain “You won’t c-call the ambulance!”  
Erik’s gaze was hard as rock when he shook his head slowly.  


“I am going to carry you to my flat, it’s not far from here.” He said, leaving Charles abashed. “Are you able to walk?”  
The smaller one stood up abruptly and tried to walk but his legs wouldn’t carry his weight and Erik caught him when he was about to fall. Before Charles could protest he lifted him and carried his thin shape in his arms.  
“L-leave me, Erik, p-please.” He stammered, voice not more than a whisper.  
“You’re unable to walk, there’s no other choice. And it’s not even a 5 minute walkway.”  


Charles muffled something but it wasn’t understandable and he surrendered to the situation. And he couldn’t deny that he liked being so close to Erik. He could feel his warmth and smell his scent, a mark of aftershave and his own aroma mixed with the smell of his leather jacket. Closing his eyes, he decided to enjoy the fate he was suffering. The steady breath of his friend and his strong, tightly focussed movements leveled him out a little bit. But it was over sooner than Charles would have liked because they were standing in front of Erik’s door and he put him down in order to get his key out. After he had opened it he picked him up again and carried him up the stairs and, after having unlocked the door, into the flat.  
Erik laid Charles down on the couch very carefully, for Charles had again gasped in pain. He didn’t have time to admire the stylish interior because as soon as Erik had turned around to get a glass of water he rummaged around in his bag, searching for his pills. He had found them by the second the other returned.  


“Tell me if I can do anything for you, Charles.” Erik said and sat down next to him, obviously being overextended.  
“Thanks... but... I need t-to go to the b-bathroom.” He replied, hands clinging to his chest again and hiding the package.  
“Yes, of course. Sorry. It’s right over there.” Erik said hastily “Do you need me to...?”  
“Uh, n-no, thanks. You’ve... already helped me enough.”  


With these words Charles left the living room and made his way to the bath, closing the door behind him. He didn’t dare to lock it, in case something happened. His trembling hands fumbled with his package, trying to shake out only one of the pills, the one his body required so badly. It finally rolled out but it fell to the floor and Charles followed it, falling onto his knees. The small blue tablet escaped his fingers once more and he had to concenrate his energy to reach for it. When he held it in his hand he straightened up again, forgetting about the corner of the basin and crashed the back of his head into it. A loud whimper escaped his lips and he threw the pill into his mouth to shut himself up. Swallowing it, he clasped his aching head and shut his eyes to repress the pain.  


“Charles? Is everything alright?” it was Erik’s voice, ringing in his ears from far away. “I heard something. Answer me!”  
Nothing more than a silent gasp left the boy’s lips. He didn’t hear his warning, but in the next moment the door flung open and Charles jumped out of his skin, so badly that he felt all dizzy again and he didn’t realize that the package had slipped out of his hands and had crashed on the floor. When Charles fell onto his bum and tried to steady himself with his hands he felt it. The pills. Everywhere. Hundreds of them spread on the floor. He heard his blood rush in his ears, stars were dancing in front of his eyes.  
“Charles, are you okay?” he heard Erik say, his voice was clearer now. He faced him, a pair of shocked and worried eyes directly staring at him. When Charles saw that he tried to pick him up he flinched away.  


“Don’t touch me!” he shouted, more in embarrassment and shock than in anger. The only anger he felt was against himself. With shaking hands he reached for the package and tried to collect the tablets. But it were too many and he let it be, stood up and rushed out of the bathroom.  
“I’m sorry, Erik!” he whimpered loudly in the living room, catching his bag and going to the door. He heard his friend following him.  
“Charles!”  
“I’m sorry, I-I’m so sorry... I think I b-better l-leave now.” His throat tightened and he felt tears fill his eyes, turning around quickly and leaving before Erik could stop him.


	6. Confrontation

Erik couldn’t find any sleep that night. The images of Charles crawling on the floor, reaching for his pills and running out of his flat crossed his mind again and again and left him wondering. There were countless questions on his mind and he couldn’t answer a single one. He had collected the tablets and put them into a small box that now stood on his bedside table. A horrible headache tortured him in the next morning and he had to take a pill himself. After the pain had been soothed a little, he tried to work on the column that was due on Monday but neither could he find the concentration nor the creativity he needed to finish it. Charles didn’t leave his mind for as much as 10 minutes.  


While he was doing his workout in the gym he thought about what had happened for a long time. Under the shower he finally came to the conclusion that he had to talk to Charles. It was obvious that he had a problem, be it caused by the pills or his health or whatever. As a professor it was his obligation to take care of any student and Erik was eager to do that. He would find Charles tomorrow and confront him with his suspicion and he would not let him go until he got an answer.  
So he did.  


He had known it would be hard but, in fact, he had had no idea. He was so bugged out and stressed on Monday morning that he couldn’t finish a single thought. He had slept bad again and he was so tired that he had to fight against sleep while he was sitting in his lecture hall. Erik hadn’t waited for Charles at the elevator because he knew that he’d need more than five minutes to talk to him and he couldn’t be sure that they were going to be the only ones in there either. Besides, he knew Charles’ schedule anyway and he knew where he would find him in the afternoon. It felt strange nonetheless, it was the first Monday morning that he didn’t meet the boy at the elevator. He thought that it was missing in his daily process already and he remained feeling this way until the afternoon. And the time he feard came sooner than he’d have liked. He had tried to bore himself to death until 4pm but that hadn’t worked and he was even more tired, he nearly missed to get out before 4 to be able to cut Charles off on his way to the bus station.  


Erik waited in front of the room where his young friend had his anatomy lessons and flinched when the door flew open. He waited and waited. It seemed that Charles sensed that something waited for him outside of the room and that he’d better stay inside, but after more than 5 minutes Erik finally saw him. And Charles had seen him too.  
The boy lowered his gaze and increased his walking pace as if it would rescue him. Erik was merciless. He directly cut him off at the door and watched him with a frown.  


“We have to talk.” He said in a severe voice, though he tried to not sound frightening. Charles swallowed anyway and remained silent. After a moment in which Erik had waited for him to react and nothing had happened, he gipped the boy’s arm and softly but authoritatively pulled it so that he followed him. He didn’t stop until they were in his office.  
“Charles...” he started, well knowing that any wrong word could make the other take flight. Or worse. “Charles, please talk to me.”  


Silence. Then, finally, he faced blue eyes again.  
“What do you want to hear from me?”  
Charles’ voice was very thin and he didn’t look healthy at all, being pale and breathing fastly and shallowly.  
“I want you to answer some questions. I have been wondering for long enough now and it’s past time that I, as a responsible person, question you.”  
“I’m not going to answer.”, Charles said stubornly.  


Erik couldn’t believe what he had just heard. There seemed to be far more to know about this person than anyone would ever guess. He sat down on the edge of his desk.  
“Listen to me, Charles. I am in worry. You’re behaviour is peculiar and your appearance changes from healthy to nearly dying in the blink of an eye.”  
“That’s none of your business.”  
“Yes of course it is!” Erik said in a louder voice than he had intended. He forced himself to calm down again, but this sullen gaze drove him mad. “You might not know the risks of your actions but it’s far more dangerous than you imagine.”  


Charles’ expression changed into bewilderment and fear.  
“W-What are you even talking about? I’m... I’m not in danger, you’re being ridiculous.”, he stuttered and turned away his face.  
“I’m talking about your pills, Charles!”, Erik burst out and watched him angrily and desperately, taking the box out of his bag and letting it fall into Charles’ lap. The boy dropped his gaze again. “I don’t believe you have forgotten what happened two days ago in my bathroom, have you?”  
Silence again. Charles flushed and his lip quivered, his hands were curled up into fists. When Erik saw him like that he sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. He needn’t be so rough, he realized. There was no denial anyway.  


“Charles, please. I can’t stop thinking about what happened and I can’t drop the suspicion that there’s something deeply wrong with you. You don’t need to be scared, I want to help you.”  
“...You can’t help me.”  
Erik froze. There was so much grief in his voice that it took Erik’s breath away for a second. Only a person who already had given up on many things in his life could speak in such sadness and hopelessness. The older one didn’t know what to think anymore. Who was this guy in front of him?  


After a while, Erik found his voice again.  
“I am sure we will find a way to help you. I have connections, I can consult therapists and doctors and-“  
Charles interrupted and said, in a very queer voice: “What the hell do you think is wrong with me?” Erik was irritated. He had thought that it was clear by now that he knew his secret.  
“Uhm... I know that you...take pills, Charles. You obviously are addicted to tablets.”, he said in a low voice, as if he feared that his words might cause even more damage. The smaller one watched him in shock and insecurity. His whole body was relxing and he sank deeper into the chair that he was sitting on in front of the desk. Surrender was written all over Charles’ face. Surrender and numbness.  


“As I said, Charles, you don’t have to be scared. Nothing will happen to you. I’ll not let anyone harm you, okay? You’re in safe hands now.”  
He didn’t show any reaction. Something really important seemed to take place behind those stunningly blue eyes and Erik wondered what it was while he lost himself more and more in them. He blinked in surprise when he realized what he was doing and cleared his throat.  
“You can trust me, Charles. I will make sure that you’ll get healthy soon.”  


A chuckle. Charles smiled, sadly and distrustful.  
“I don’t think it’ll be that easy. It’s not a problem that could be solved by someone like you.” He said quietly and shook his head, barely visible. Erik wasn’t sure but he felt like the other one was watching him with arrogance. It made his blood boil.  
“Well, it’s not going to solve itsself. So you better let me help you or otherwise...” he didn’t dare to speak it out loud.  
“Or what...?” Charles digged deeper and watched him with a dark frown on his face.  
“Or I feel impelled to expel you from university and report you to the police.”  
Charles eyes widened and his mouth fell open. He obviously couldn’t believe what Erik had just said. His fingers began to tremble and he clenched the arm rests of the chair, lowering his gaze again. His voice was hoarse and no more than a whisper when he spoke.  
“You... you don’t understand, Erik. You cannot help me, believe me. Neither can you, nor anyone else. I don’t mean to d-disappoint you b-but I c-can’t...” his voice broke and Erik could hear nothing more. But he didn’t need to, he saw the tears fall onto his lap. It ripped him apart. How could a young man like Charles be so cruelly wrong in what he was doing? He was a respectable person, he wanted to become a doctor and he was so cheerful and full of vitality... most of the time. It was no comparison to what Erik saw now. The boy in front of him was broken. He had given up.  


It became painfully silent in the small room and Erik felt like he would suffocate any moment. When he heard a sniff he felt his heart melt and he whiped over his face with his right hand. This was all too much. He pushed off the edge of the desk and approached the crying student. Slowly, but without hesitation, he laid his hand on Charles soft hair and carefully stroked it.  
The boy’s head was dropping forward and then to the side so that it rested against Erik’s belly. He was a bit irritated and didn’t know if he should push him away because that boy still had a little crush on him and he couldn’t allow it to give him more hope about that than he already had. But Charles was so helpless at the moment that Erik just let him be and continued to pet his head until the sobbing had eased.  


Then, he lifted the other’s face and gave him a reassuring smile, showing him that he was willing to help. But Charles wasn’t repaying it and his face didn’t lighten up at all either.  
“I think I should go now.”, he said in a shy and hoarse voice and straightened up, making Erik’s hand fall down uselessly. An embarrassed and tortured expression was written on the student’s face.  
“Wha-, Charles, have you even listened to what I just said?”  
“I have.” He stood up and lifted his bag that had fallen to the floor, putting the box with the pills inside. “And I am very thankful. For your caring, for your effort, for spending time with me... for last Saturday...”  
Erik flushed a little when he realized that he was referring to their ‘date’. He nodded.  
“But you... please, you have to understand that I’m... that we’re better off when you ignore m-my... my problem. I’d forever be in your debt when you did me that favour, Erik. Please.”  
And in that moment, with Charles wet and reddened eyes, that sad and begging expression, his pink, quivering lips... Erik couldn’t refuse it. He sighed and closed his eyes, then he nodded.  
“I will not question you about it again.” He sweared and lowered his gaze, indulging. He had had no right to interfere in Charles’ life anyway and he felt guilty for having made him cry.  
“Thank you.” He heard and felt a soft touch on his hand. It was Charles’ cool fingers that shyly gripped his own. The student was about to let go and leave, but Erik tightened the grip on his hand and hold him back, even if it caused an awkward tingle in his belly.  


“Charles, wait.”, he said, his voice soft and full of bitterness. “May I ask something of you in return?”  
The other hesitated, watching their hands in irritation for a moment, before he nodded, flushing. “Yes, of course.”  
“Would you please not take your pills in front of me?” Erik asked quietly and stiffly waited for an answer. Charles exhaled slowly and nodded, managing a plain smile.  
“I won’t.” After Erik had heard what he had wanted he let go of Charles’ soft hand and watched him leave the room. He was not going to give up in this boy yet. If he himself had, it was even more Erik’s duty not to.  


  


Erik didn’t feel at all like working or doing anything else that day and he decided to go home already, for he wasn’t in the condition to do anything productive anyway. He got out of his car and opened the door to the apartment building. When he was inside, he saw that the letterbox with his name on it was already so full that envelopes were hanging out of the slot. He remembered that he hadn’t checked his letterbox for more than a week now and he had the feeling that there had been a good reason for that. He didn’t remember anymore, his thoughts were somewhere else again. Being mentally absent, he opened his box, got its content out and went up to his apartment without even looking at the envelopes and brochures. He threw them onto the kitchen table and didn’t pay any attention to them anymore.  
Instead, he got his phone out and checked if he had any messages. There were none. Yet somehow he whished that Charles had written him, saying something that made him feel better. Realizing that Erik might have scared him and that Charles could be thinking that he didn’t want to see him anymore, he sat down, without even putting off his jacket, and began to write.  


  


_“I know I might not have had the right to question you like that, but I couldn’t stop worrying about you. I had to talk to you. It doesn’t mean that I don’t want to see you again. I want. Please don’t avoid me. I’d still like to call you my friend and I’d still like to get to know you more. Write or call me if you feel like talking, I’m here if you need me.”_  


  


After he had sent the message, Erik let his head fall backwards onto the back rest of the sofa. He closed his eyes and rubbed them with both hands, asking himself what the hell he was actually doing. Things didn’t turn out like he had planned. Not at all. And he had a slight feeling that this wasn’t the end of it yet.


	7. Perfect

It took Charles a whole day until he found the courage to reply to the message Erik had sent him. He had found it very sweet that Erik had a bad conscious about what had happened and Charles could understand that well enough, for he felt the same way. If he hadn’t acted so mysteriously things wouldn’t have turned out so complicated. His heart skipped a beat when he began to write.  


  


_“Thank you so much, Erik. It really means a lot to me that you think this way. I’d be glad if we could go on where we stopped last time...”_  


  


He hesitated. Then he continued.  
  


_“Would you like to go out with me again?”_  
  


Charles shut his eyes when he sent the message. He couldn’t believe that he actually had asked Erik out. His head was dizzy and his hands were sweaty, though he felt like a coward because he hadn’t asked him face to face. Putting his phone back into his bag, he focussed on the lecture again.  


As soon as it was over his thoughts circled around Erik. He bit his lip when he realized that he actually really had a crush on him. It was the exact opposite of what he had planned. But he couldn’t stop himself, he simply could not not like this man. He was caring for him although they barely knew each other and Charles wasn’t used to be cared for, noone did, except for his doctor, so he had had to learn to look after himself early in his life. Erik was so smart and nice and charming and his play with words just left him speechless again and again. And, on top of that, he was tall and handsome, and definitely his type, though Charles had always believed that he had no special ‘type’ that he preferred. But Erik... he had proven him wrong. He was stunning and intelligent and... Charles flushed when he realized that he was daydreaming and adoring him, his ears burnt. He evaluated the situation.  


They hadn’t had a good start, apart from the elevator thing, and Charles feared that he was spending too much time with this man. He hadn’t wanted anything more than studying medicine and now, barely more than a month after the semestre had started, he had ended up dating a guy who was professor at the same university and, on top of that, had found out about his... problem.  


Scribbling down his homework, he saw the note that his first test was due next week. He had already started studying for it but he knew it was going to be hard and he had never liked exams. Charles always knew the matters that were asked but he kept getting so nervous that he felt like puking everytime he saw the sheet of paper in front of him.  
Throwing away those thoughts, he stood up and went to the next room he was going to have the Latin lecture in. While he sat down he recognized that his phone was vibrating and his heart made another nervous jump. With trembling fingers, he got it out and checked the message.  


  


_“Yes, I will. But it’s my turn to decide what we’re going to do. When do you have time?”_  


  


Charles grinned and chuckled like a toddler after he had read it. He flushed again and didn’t know how to reply for a while, until he realized that he actually had to check his agenda. He could manage to meet him on Thursday if he kept studying for the test the next day and the weekend.  


  


_“How about Thursday? I’m here at university until 1pm. What are you planning to do this time?”_  


  


After he had sent the message he told himself that he shouldn’t check his phone before the lecture was over. It was hard, because he heard its vibration alarm, but he managed and, instead, took notes. And he was thankful for having something else on mind for a while, even if it was only Latin grammar. He sighed when he watched the six sheets of paper full of his messy handwriting. He would have to spend the weekend at his desk. Then the professor closed the lecture and Charles immideately got his phone out, almost dropping it in haste.  


  


_“Thursday is fine. I’ll pick you up at 1:15pm at the university parking ground. And for my plans... wait and see.”_  


  


He bit his lip while a dumb smile formed up on his face. He was so curious for what Erik intendet to do that he almost forgot his bag in the lecture hall. He went back and got it, putting the phone into his pocket while he left the building. Erik would have to wait for his reply until he was home and Charles liked the thought that Erik would check his phone again and again without having received an answer so far. Though, of course, Charles knew that this would be most unlikely to happen because he was a busy man. He wondered whether Erik was at university today or if he was working at the newspaper’s office. This thought reminded him that he wanted to search for the newspaper that Erik wrote the column for, so he made a detour to visit the kiosk and bought it. It was really small and didn’t have more than 10 pages, so Charles found the column easily. There was a nice photo of Erik on top of it and he couldn’t avoid another stupid grin, for he realized that this was the man he was actually dating.  
Stuffing the paper into his bag, he entered the supermarket because he ran out of bread, milk and toilet paper.  


As soon as he closed the door of his tiny flat, he put the grocery bag on his kitchen table and got his phone out. He let himself drop to the sofa and started to write his answer. It took him a little time though until he found something charming to write without sounding too nosy or impatient or flirty.  


  


_“Okay, fine. I’ll wait there for you. And don’t you be late, or else I’ll find someone else to pick me up.  
_

_...Just kidding, I’d wait for you until it gets dark. Looking forward to see you again.”_  


  


The next day Charles was already so nervous that he had to take another pill in addition to his morning tablet, for his pulse was going so fast that he felt dizzy. The pills made him relax a lot and he was glad to see, checking the university homepage, that today was an optional meeting of the learning group of his semestre. His lectures ended at 4pm and he didn’t know what to do the rest of the day except from learning anyway. So he spent the whole day at university and studied for the test that was set for next Monday until 8pm. His stomach hurt since he hadn’t eaten much all day because he kept thinking about his date and got nervous from time to time, so that, when he left the building, he found himself taking the third additional tablet. He took three per day anyway but he had other ones that helped him survive the day when he needed it.  


By the time Charles was at home his hands were trembling and he had to force his eyes to stay open while he ate the rest of the casserole he had cooked the day before. A few moments later, he had fallen asleep on his bed without even having changed into his pyjamas.  


  


When he heard his alarm clock the next morning he felt a little better, though he had to take two pills again before he had even finished his tea. But today was Erik’s and his second date and he couldn’t afford to have another breakdown. The first had been horrible enough and he didn’t plan to confront Erik with that again. He had two buns for breakfast and his circulation stabilized as soon as he had eaten them. Charles drank another tea and managed to leave the flat without being totally stressed out and looking like a sick psychopath.  


Time flew and he found himself standing at the parking area sooner than he would have liked. Now that he was there he felt his hands getting sweaty and he thought about taking another pill. But he told himself that it’d get better once he was with Erik, so he didn’t and waited. It was exactly 1:15pm when he saw the other. Charles found himself helplessly admiring Erik’s walk, the way his long legs moved under the soft fabric of his beige trousers, and the manner in which he pushed back the wisp of hair the wind had blown into his face, and the whole process in which his slim lips formed up to the charming smile that revealed the perfect row of white teeth as a climax. A shudder ran down his spine and he felt his heart beat irregularily. By the time Erik stood directly in front of him, Charles knew it. He knew it was not a simple crush. A crush wouldn’t make his whole body tingle or make his belly prickle with a thousand pinpricks. He was amazed by the sensation of seeing Erik standing in front of him and noticing that familiar scent of aftershave once more. Charles felt like fainting any moment, but he knew that he mustn’t. Instead, his facial muscles managed a sappy smile that must have made him look like he was having the best trip of his life.  


“Hello, Charles.”, Erik said in his amazingly soft and yet dark voice that sent another shudder down Charles’ back. The shorter one made an indefinable sound between a laugh and a sigh in a pitched-high voice. As soon as it had left his mouth, he straightened up and cleared his throat, suddenly remembering how to breathe and how this useless piece of flesh in his mouth was supposed to work.  


“Ah, hi, Erik.”, he mumbled and blinked a few times to chase away the dizziness. Erik chuckled, barely audible.  
“Are you ready for our little trip?” the older one asked and got the key to his car out of his pocket.  
“I’m not quite sure, telling from that cheeky smile of yours...” Charles wondered and watched Erik in suspicion. The fear that they were going to do something that Charles wasn’t able to take part in rushed through him. But he expected Erik to think twice about what to do with him on a date, for he knew about his little problem.  
“Don’t worry, it’s harmless.”  
“Ok, then let’s go.” He blurted out, revealing a little bit of his nervousness that was mixing up with excitement now.  


Erik nodded and walked into the direction of his car, unlocking it and opening the door for Charles. The boy blushed and smiled at Erik before he took seat and fastened the belt, watching the other walk around the car and sitting down at the driving seat. He started the motor and reversed until the car was on the street, then they set off.  
It was a 20 minutes drive until they arrived at their destination. Charles had tried to guess where they were going to spend the evening but he didn’t know the region. When they drove onto a parking area he suddenly realized where he was, frowning. Was Erik really planning to do that on a date? It could get boring, at least for Erik himself, Charles guessed. But he didn’t say anything and got out of the car after the other had parked it.  


“You know what this is, I quess?” Erik asked and walked next to him towards the great building.  
“Yes, of course! Though I’ve only been here once and that was a long time ago. Somehow I missed to come here again ever since.” Charles replied and smiled, remembering the great day he had spent here back then.  
“Perfect. Because otherwise you probably would have guessed what we’re going to do here.” He said, getting his phone out. “Excuse me.”  
Charles nodded and admired the glorious entrance of the London Natural History Museum. He felt a wave of sentimentality rush over him while memories of the last time he had been here, a time when everything had been okay, flooded his mind. After a few moments, Erik was back again and Charles suddenly realized that the museum wasn’t even open for visitors today.  
“Erik, did you even realize it’s not...” he started but Erik’s meaningful smile interrupted him.  


“It is.” He said, grinning, and turned his head when they could hear that the door was unlocked. A friendly looking woman opened it and smiled invitingly at them. Charles’ started to have a slight idea of what was so special about visiting a museum on a second date and he could barely hide an excited chuckle, cheeks flushing.  
“Hello, Moira!”, Erik greeted the woman, hugging her like an old friend, which Charles guessed she was.  
“Erik! I’m so happy we’re meeting again after such a long time. How are you? And who is this lovely young man?”  
She obviously was a very nice and cheerful person, but Charles blushed even darker when he realized that the woman had just called him ‘lovely’. He lowered his gaze, giggling quietly.  
“Sorry, Charles, but Moira always speaks her mind.” Erik laughed and shook his head. “Moira, this is Charles Xavier, the companion I notified to you. Charles, Moira.”  
She held out her hand and Charles shook it politely.  
“Nice to meet you, Mr. Xavier. My name is Moira McTaggert and I am your key to this museum today.” She said and let go of his hand, showing them the way in and locking the door behind them.  


“I know Moira for years now, she is a good friend of mine.” Erik explained while they entered the great hall. “And she makes it possible for me to invite you...” he stopped until they entered the next room, where the current axhibition began. “... to an exclusive view into the new exhibition of the human body and its biology.”  
Charles held his breath and blinked. He remembered that he had read about this in the newspaper a few days ago and the exhibition wasn’t going to be opened before next week.  
“I would entrust Erik with my life, so I trust him to watch this exhibition with you wihout my supervision. Come to the main hall when you’re finished, I am going to leave you alone now.”  
Moira said, grinned like a little girl before she went out of the room.  


Charles threw a questioning view at Erik, still not believing what he had managed.  
“How on earth did you argue her into doing this for you?” he wondered with a wide smile on his lips. It was too late, he couldn’t hide his excitement anymore. Erik scratched his chin and furrowed his brow.  
“Let’s say... she was in my debt, so I asked her to do me a little favour.”  
While he said that, he threw such a meaningful, challenging and yet charming grin at him that Charles blushed once more and turned around. If he hadn’t already fallen for this man, this would have made him. The fact that he had managed an exclusive insight into the brand new exhibition just for him... how was it even possible to be so loving and caring and, on top of that, mindful enough to imagine something like that? Charles was interested in the human body and medicine over everything else and he would never have thought that anyone would make his obsession the topic of a date. Erik had definitely struck home.  
After a little pause he recovered his tongue.  
“Thank you.” He murmured, not even smiling this time, for he was so thankful to have someone like Erik, that every other emotion was erased for a second. The other nodded, lovingly smiling, and made a gesture with his head that invited him to start watching the exhibition with him. Charles followed his gesture.  


  


They went through the exhibition at their leisure and Charles couldn’t have felt more comfortable about making the tour with Erik. More than once he showed his talent of playing with words and being a charmer, leaving the student abashed. In fact, Charles caught himself staring at his date as often as he inspected the exhibits, although the samples were very interesting. There were detailed analogues of the brain and heart and those had always interested him most, so he spent a lot of time reading the descriptions, while Erik tried not to distract him too much with his comments and hidden jokes that always made Charles laugh. One time, when he had rested his hands on a barrier, watching a skeleton, he had felt Erik’s little finger next to his own, for he was doing the same, and neither him nor the other had pulled away. It had caused an amazing prickling in his belly and he had to force himself not to take his hand and hold it forever, though Charles was too insecure and shy about it anyway. He really, really needed Erik to make the first step and it had to be more than just brushing fingers for half a minute.  
After they had finished the tour –it had taken them about 3 hours, for the exhibition was huge– they returned to the great hall and Moira let them out again, though not without dropping an ironic comment about how romantic it must be to watch human organs and bones. On their way back to the car, they walked more closely to the other than before.  


“Thank you so much for taking me here.” Charles said and blushed, for he kept thanking Erik over and over and he felt a little dumb.  
“You’re welcome.” He answered and got his key out, playing with it with one hand. For some reason he seemed to hesitate. “Would you sacrifice some more time? I didn’t plan to let it end here but if you’re exhausted I’ll drive you home.”  
The younger one blinked, for he hadn’t expected Erik to enjoy his presence so much. He nodded eagerly.  
“Or course, yes!”  
“Ok, then I’ll show you something. I guess you’re hungry?”  
  


  


20 minutes later they arrived at their destination. Charles knew the area, his flat was a 10 minutes walk away, but he had never been to that special place before. They entered a small bar that looked nothing special at all but when Erik crossed the room and went out of the back door again, he frowned. There was a romantic backyard with tables and chairs, enclosed by a hedge and decorated with lanterns here and there. He guessed that it looked beautiful in the evening, when the lights were shining.  
“Follow me.” Erik requested him, standing at the foot of a narrow spiral stair at the side of the building. Surprised, Charles followed him and went up the stairs, excited about the view they were going to have. From where the street was, it was impossible to guess that there was a roof terrace on this building, for the front part of the roof hid it. But once on top, one had a splendid view over the backyard and one could see many known buildings of the skyline of London.  
Once more, Erik had managed to take Charle’s breath away. When the boy turned around to look where his wonderful date partner was, he was hit by another surprise. In one corner of the terrace was a tiny stage, so there was obviously going to be a live act today, some people were doing several tests for the instruments and microphones. He couldn’t describe how perfect this day was to him.  


Erik was already standing at a table in the middle of the terrace and smiled warmly at him.  
“I hope you like stand-up comedians?”  
“I do. And I love live acts and I love this place!” Charles blurted out enthusiastically, while he approached the table that Erik had obviously arranged, for there were two small cards on each seat. The older one laughed and let Charles take place before he sat down himself.  
“I’m glad you like it.”  
“How could I not? It’s... it’s perfect. The whole day is.” Charles stuttered quietly, realizing what had just left his mouth. If it hadn’t been the second date of his life, he would have said it was the best he ever had. But he was sure that Erik had put the bar on an incredibly high level.  
“First I feared that going to the museum might be a bit old-fashioned or boring.” Erik said and for the first time Charles glanced a hint of insecurity in his gaze.  
“Not for me, obviously.” The boy said and chuckled.  
“I hope it’s okay that I pre-ordered the dinner? You have no other choice when you want to have a seat here. I chose lamb filet as the main dish and creme brulet as a dessert.”  
“Perfect.”  


And indeed, the evening was perfect. The stand-up comedian was brilliant, and the band that was playing afterwards was nice too, not even to mention the dinner. Charles thought this must be a dream, because this day had potential to become the best of his life. Their conversation was very easy and he had a slight feeling that Erik started to like him too. This impression made him so happy that he couldn’t stop smiling brightly for almost all the time.  
It was long after 10pm when they left the roof terrace, after Erik had won the fight for the bill. Charles had tried to pay at least half of it, but Erik wouldn’t let him, so he gave up. Tomorrow was Friday and they both had commitments, otherwise they would have stayed until the very end of the event.  


When they left the bar on the ground floor, Erik asked: “Well, shall I drive you home?”  
Charles hesitated and bit his bottom lip once more in nervousness.  
“I’d rather walk home w-with you. It’s a 10 minutes walk from here.” he mumbled, lowering his gaze. He lifted it again when he heard Erik’s response.  
“Sounds good. Let’s go.”  
Happily, Charles chose the direction and unobstrusively walked even closer to Erik than before, their arms almost touching.  
“Dou you like living alone?” Erik asked to keep the conversation going, although the atmosphere would have been nice without talking too.  
“Hmm, more or less, yes. I’m okay with being on my own, having my own flat, deciding on my own and so on. But it can also be quite lonesome and boring because noone’s waiting for me when I’m returning, you know?”  


“I know that feeling. It’s the same with me, although I’m used to being on my own.”, Erik replied and suddenly Charles remembered the newspaper article. Erik was an orphan as well as he himself, though there was a huge different between their childhoods, Charles guessed. It was sad to think about little Erik, being on his own all the time. He wondered why he had been reported missing back then, after he had been kidnapped. In fact, this man was quite a mystery to him, although he knew that it must be the same the other way round more or less. “Guess we’re both lonely wolves, aren’t we?”, Charles said jokingly, for the silence had become a bit uneasy. Erik chuckled and agreed.  
“But I like the idea of having somebody waiting for you to come home.”, Erik confessed, flashing a strange gaze at him that the boy couldn’t interpet. And in this moment, their elbows touched and, as in trance, Charles slowly linked armes with him, while his cheeks burned like a thousand fires. He could feel his heart beating incredibly fast, but Erik didn’t pull away, so he very slowly calmed down again. At least his blood wasn’t running through his veins at the speed of light anymore.  


They stayed like that for the rest of the walk, until they were standing in front of the apartment building where Charles lived. Hesitandly, he let go of Erik’s arm and faced him, face still incredibly red. He was thankful that the sun had set already, so it couldn’t be seen that easily.  
“I hope you enjoyed it as much as me.”, he said quietly, pulling a few strands of hair that had fallen into his face behind his ear.  
“Yes, I did. The evening was very nice. We should repeat that.”, Erik answered, obviously a bit astonished by what he had just said. Charles was flattred and swallowed.  
“Yes, that’d be great. Thank you very much.”  
“You’re welcome.”  


They smiled warmly at each other and the student felt the need to throw himself at the other and kiss him senseless, but he was too shy to do that and he didn’t know if it was a good idea anyway. But they had to do something for a goodbye and a handshake was way too formal by now. So Charles scraped together all his courage and lifted his arms to hug Erik, though he had to stand on his tiptoes to reach the other’s shoulders. When he felt two arms closing around him, a tingling warmth flooded his whole body that cleared his mind, he felt dizzy for a moment. “Good night.” He heard Erik’s voice close to his ear, almost a whisper. It sent a shiver down Charles’ spine and he almost lost a sigh before he managed to whish him a good night too.  
They parted and with wobbly legs, he stumbled to the front door of the building while he got his key out with shaking fingers. Before he closed the door behind him, he threw a last gaze at Erik and smiled, who was still standing there with his hands in his pockets. Their date ended with a quiet click of the door.  


Somehow Charles managed to go up the stairs and enter his flat, but when he closed the door, he leaned onto it with his back and let his bag fall to the ground. He closed his eyes, remembering Erik’s arms around him and his soft voice at his ear, the subliminal scent of his aftershave flowing around him. Without lifting up his bag, he pranced to his bedroom.  
Not until the next day he would realize that he hadn’t taken his usual afternoon and evening pills.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More than 1000 hits! Thank you so much! <3


	8. Sought from the past

It was Wednesday when Erik went to the medical faculty of the university to attend the first semestres’ latin exam, which was quite ironical and a great coincidence since Charles would be there too. Erik hoped that the poor boy would not freak out and fail the test at the sight of him. He knew him well enough already to be able to assess his reactions and he thought that it might get problematic if Charles spottet him without being prewarned. In order to prevent that, Erik was there very early and watched out for the medicine student in front of the lecture hall. The usual professor was in the room in order to hand out the papers but he would leave as soon as that was done because he had an important appointment. Erik would only have to collect the exams at the end.  


He waited as long as he could in front of the room but, to his surprise, Charles hadn’t appeared yet. That was rather atypical for him, since he was a dutiful student and always in time. Frowning, Erik went into the hall and sat down at the desk. He changed a few words with the professor before he let his gaze wander through the rows of students in order to look for Charles.  
He wasn’t there. An awkward feeling rose in his stomach as he realized that he wouldn’t come anymore. Something must be wrong, so he checked his phone if he had any messages informing him about anything that could have happened. There were no. Of course not, why should Charles inform him about a reason why he couldn’t take part in the exam?  


Erik was anxious during the 90 minutes. He collected the sheets of paper at the end with hasty fingers and put them into the folder he had been given for them. As quick as he managed, he handed it in and eft the building. There was no way he could find out why the boy hadn’t been there without being a stalker once more. And apart from that, he couldn’t help feeling a bit disappointed because he thought that Erik had made clear that he was there to help him and yet Charles hadn’t told him anything. The strange feeling in his stomach took over his whole chest.  


It was a struggle not to drive to the apartment building and visit him. The fact that Erik had to work helped him repress that urge, yet his thoughts sticked to the boy, wondering what was wrong that he had missed the exam. He drowned in work at the office, so he luckily was able to keep himself busy and distracted. When his phone rang he jumped in shock. His heart dropped as he checked it and saw that Charles had written him.  


  


_“Hey Erik! Tomorrow’s Thursday again and I know you’ve closing time at 1pm as well as me. Want to meet and have lunch with me?”_  


  


It was not what he had expected. No explanation, no sign to be worried. Erik bit his tongue since he actually wouldn’t even know that Charles had missed the exam if it rapidly hadn’t been his duty to supervise it. Charles couldn’t know that he knew that he hadn’t been there. What was even worse: he didn’t seem to be sick, so he must have had another reason to miss the test. Inevitably, Erik’s mind sticked to the idea that it must have something to do with the pill addiction. That or Charles had cut the exam but that was too atypical for him to be true.  


Erik didn’t know what to respond, so he put his phone away and kept working until it was 6pm. Only then he allowed himself to start searching for a way to find out what had made Charles skip the test. He hadn’t managed to come up with a solution as he entered his flat, realizing how messy it was. In order to keep his hands busy while thinking, he started to clean his kitchen. When he came to the table he saw the loads of post there. As he sorted out the advertising folders and old grocery broshures, his gaze fell upon an envelope.  
His body froze immediately. Suddenly he remembered why he had just thrown the post onto the table without checking it anymore. This envelope couldn’t bode well. Not at all.  


Erik swallowed and tried to repress the knot that started to build up in his throat. With his pulse speeding, he stared at the name of the sender. _Armando Muñoz_. The fact that he had contacted him after such a long time couldn’t mean any good for him. His mouth was dry as he ripped the envelope and got out the paper.  


  


_Hello, Mr. Lensherr._  


_I don’t know if you remember me, it’s been a long time that we met. I was the lawyer who plead your case of kidnapping when you were young. 14 years have passed now, but I think you remember that well enough._  
 _I don’t work as a lawyer anymore but I still have to deal with the old cases that I took part in. Yesterday I had yours on my desk. It’s a hard thing for me to tell you the following, yet it is my duty to do so._  
 _Schmidt is free. He is discharged from prison for good conduct. Right now he’s in a mental hospital but the doctors say that they think he’s been cured from his psychical illness and he’ll be able to go back to a normal life soon. Don’t misunderstand me now, but I don’t have a good feeling about this man, I believe he tricked the judge and the doctors into believing that he was cured._  
 _That is all I have to say._  
 _I felt obliged to inform you. If you need any help or want to talk to me personally, I’ll be there. My phone number is on the business card. Don’t hesitate if you feel like requiring victim protection, there’ll surely be a possibility._  


_Best luck_  


_Armando Muñoz._  


  


Erik swallowed and felt his metabolism going crazy. Cold sweat stood on his forehead and he had a dull drone in his ears. He gripped the corner of the kitchen table in order to steady himself. With shaking hands, he lay down the letter. His intition had told him that he didn’t want to read it when he had got it weeks ago and now he knew the reason why. His head was buzzing with questions and his mouth felt as dry as if he had eaten sand.  


Klaus Schmidt was free. The man who had ruined his childhood and had branded him for all his life was free. It was the worst thing that could possibly have happened. For a second Erik thought about taking the next flight to Germany and hiding somewhere, but his pride stopped him. His pride and his desire for vengeance. It hadn’t been much of a topic to him in the last years because he had thought Schmidt safe behind bars, but now that he had been discharged Erik’s stomach boiled in anxiety for revenge. In fact, the feeling took over his body and overshadowed the fear, replacing it with hate. His hands curled into fists so tight that the knuckles turned white.  
This man wouldn’t ruin his life a second time. It had taken him long enough to build up an existance here in London and Erik wouldn’t allow Schmidt to take it away from him. Not again.  


With clenched teeth, Erik stuffed the envelope into the refuse back and the letter back on the table. After a little pause, he resumed his work and tidied the table by chucking away the post he didn’t need. Of course his mind was racing. He couldn’t distract himself anymore. Not now that he had read the letter. So he had no other chouce but to surrender to his own reactions.  
There were two main feelings inside him: The fear that Schmidt would move to London and trace him on the one hand, and the hope that he would do so and Erik could pay him back on the other hand. The conflict kept him busy for hours. It came so far that he went to his closet and got out a tiny portable safe. He unlocked it and took its content. It was a 9mm gun, one he had bought at the age of 16 and that had never been used. But now it seemed that maybe it could come into operation.  
It was unloaded, so he got out the munition from a seperate box with a simple lock. Skilled fingers loaded the gun and secured it with a few quick handles. He had practiced the movements hundreds of times back than so it had become second nature to his hands. The feeling of control and power swelled his chest as he laid the gun into his night table drawer. He was able to defend himself; he wasn’t the helpless 10-year-old boy from Düsseldorf anymore.  


In order to finish what he had started, he went on with the cleaning for about 1 ½ hours. Right when he was done he heard his phone ringing. He jumped from the sudden noise and took a long and deep breath before he checked it. It was Charles again. He had completely forgotten to answer him.  


  


_“Did I say something wrong or are you just being busy? You don’t need to go out for lunch with me if you don’t want, it’s okay. It’s just that I’d like to have an answer in order to plan. Sorry if I disturbed you.”_  


  


Erik sighed and rubbed his eyes with the fingers of his free hand. In comparison to his own problems Charles almost seemed unimportant now, but he had sworn to help the boy, so he would have to have lunch with him. He still needed to find out why he had skipped the exam and that wasn’t about to happen without his investigation. It was a struggle to write a message without typing errors.  


  


_“Sorry, yes, I was busy. I’d like to have lunch with you tomorrow. Meet you in front of the library. See you then!”_  


  


After he had sent the message, Erik decided to take a shower and then go to bed. The day had stressed him out more than he would ever have thought and hot water always seemed to tidy up his mind.  
This time it affected him differently though. Instead of calming him down, the hot water melted the borders of his own burning chest and filled his whole body with a toxic blistering heat that blew up the limit of his self control. It infiltrated his mind and dispossessed Erik of his sleep while it milled its way into his consciousness.


	9. Hot coffee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After ages I managed to finish the next chapter!  
> Sorry, I was very busy the last months. u//ù
> 
> I didn't beta it, so I hope there are not too many mistakes in it //D

It was a rainy Thursday and Charles had forgotten to take his umbrella with him, so he stayed inside of the library instead of waiting outside for Erik. The lecture had been over 15 minutes earlier, so he had bought a cup of chamomile tea at the kiosk in order to chase away the cool humidity in his bones and the boiling nervousness in his chest. Erik wasn’t the only thing that troubled his mind that day.  
The things that his doctor had told him the day before were circling in his head like vultures over a dying animal. Charles hadn’t even noticed it, but he had started to take his pills irregularily and Dr. McCoy had glared at him long enough to make him spit it out. And as if that hadn’t been worse enough already he had had some bad news for him.  


  


“Charles, listen. You can’t go on like this, taking the pill that you happen to remember and forgetting all the others. You have to follow this strict timetable because these tablets are all having different effects on your body. Either you take all of them regularily, or no pills at all. And we both know that you are not in the condition to put down any of them. Not yet. I can tell from the test results that you’ve almost had a breakdown again. Haven’t you learned anything from the last one? This is no joke.”  
Charles felt anger rise in his chest.  


“I know that it’s not a joke! Of course it isn’t!” he spat out, gripping the armrests so tightly that his fingers hurt. “You don’t have to tell me that I’m sick! It’s not like it’s new to me. I simply forgot some of those goddamn pills! I had different things on mind, I can’t help it.”  
The doctor sighed and watched him. It was pity in his eyes. Charles felt sick.  
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that.”, McCoy murmured, his lips a thin line. “This situation must be new to you, of course. I can imagine that you feel happy and that you feel different – better, to get to the point – but you have to take care of yourself. You must be more careful.”  
Charles sat there, his cheeks blushed and his gaze pinned to his feet. He hadn’t told him that the person he happened to like was a tutor at university, which made it even more complicated. He couldn’t predict how Hank would react, so he didn’t tell him. It had been hard enough to admit that it was a person he liked that made him forget to take the pills.  


“Charles, there’s... there is another thing I have to tell you.”, Dr. McCoy said and lowered his gaze. He didn’t like the sound of that at all, so Charles’ eyes widened in terror.  
“W-What is it...?” he managed to say, although his throat felt like it was strangled.  
“It... it seems that your condition got worse not only because you forgot some tablets. It is possible that... you know, that we’ve reached a further level.”  
“Me.”  
“Sorry?”  
“Me. I have reached another level. Not us.”, Charles murmured.  
Hank swallowed and nodded hesitantly.  
“Yes, sorry. Uhm... I can’t tell you if it’s just an aftermath of the unusual dosis or something more serious. I have to observe your condition to be able to get more information. It’d be best if you-”  
“I’m not going to hospital. You know that.”  
“I feared you wouldn’t change your mind. Especially now that you seem to have found someone you like.”, the doctor said, biting his lip and putting on an excusing smile before he went on. “Sorry that I’m asking, but I’m not only your doctor, I’m your friend. Does that person know of your sickness?”  


Charles blinked and sat up straight, pulling back his hair.  
“Uhm... I... actually, no. We don’t know each other good and long enough yet. A few months only.”  
“Oh, have you met at university then?”  
“Y-yes. B-but I’m not sure... well, I don’t even know if...”  
Charles grew silent, for he didn’t know if he trusted Hank enough to tell him. But the doctor’s curious, shiny eyes and his cheery smile did their work.  
“I’m not sure whether he likes men or women. His name is Erik. There’s no sign of his preferences but he’s really nice and caring and... yeah. Really nice.”, Charles blurted out and bit his lip. He expected awkward silence or a comment but Hank proved to be more than only his doctor once more.  


“That’s wonderful.”, he said with a wide smile and his cheeks slightly blushed. “You should find out about your chances soon though. The longer you wait the harder it’ll get.”  
The student sighed and closed his eyes for a moment, scratching the back of his head. If he only knew how true his words were.  
“Well, Charles. I’ve got another patient now and you’ve been here for hours already. I guess you want to go home and take rest. Thanks for telling me and I hope things will work out well for you.”, Hank said and stood up to approach him and take his hand.  
“Ah, yes. Thanks too.”  
“Please make appointments once a week for the next month. I know there are nicer things to do than to visit your doctor, but we have to be unyielding. We will find out what is happening in there.” He said and pointed at Charles’ chest with a slight smile. The smaller nodded and took his bag.  
“I know. Goodbye, Hank.”  
The grin he received as he called his doctor by the first name encouraged him to not let all this drag him down. He got to the receptionist and set the dates for the next rechecks before left the practice.  


  


The words still rang in his head while Charles watched the raindrops fall against the big windows and slowly surrender to gravity, running down the glass, following invisible tracks. It wasn’t easy to deal with the fact that his condition didn’t improve but became worse. He had hoped that all this would end someday and he could live a normal life, but the way things developed now it hinted into the oppisite direction. The thought that he might have to take pills all his life slowly found its way into his subconsciousness when he spotted a familiar figure outside the library.  


Charles was back in the present again and he hastily grabbed his bag before he strode out of the building to meet Erik under his big grey umbrella.  
“Hey, Erik!”, Charles greeted him with a sunny smile that was pure contrast not only to the weather but also to his previous thoughts.  
“Hello, Charles. Are you alright?”, the older one asked. The student recognized immediately that something in Erik’s eyes had changed. There was a pale shadow around them and he didn’t watch him with the same mindfulness as he used to. Charles frowned but remained silent.  
“Uhm, yes. Yes, I’m alright. Let’s go and get something warm to eat and drink. This chilly rain is horrible.”, he said, then hesitated for a moment. “Ehm... m-may I stay under your umbrella? I... I forgot mine.”  
Erik nodded and, to Charles’ surprise, offered his arm so that he could keep close and shelter from the rain. Blushing slightly, Charles took the offered arm and swallowed.  
“I know a nice coffee shop nearby, is that okay?”  
Again, Erik nodded. He seemed to be a little lost in his own thoughts, so Charles decided to keep silent until Erik talked again.  
As they started their way to the coffee shop the smaller spotted three faces in a window of the nearest building watching them. When he realized who they were he quickly looked away, hoping they might not have identified him... or Erik. It was the three adolescents that liked to bully him. Telling from their expressions, they had surely identified both of them and drawn their conclusions from the fact that Charles had his arm linked with Erik’s. He sighed heavily, knowing they would bother him even more now.  


20 minutes later they sat in the coffee shop, waiting for their ordered meals. Erik still wasn’t very communicative, but it was better than before.  
“So, how is it going here at university for you?”, he asked in a superficial tone.  
“Nicely, yes. I have to study a lot but I love it. I have always liked learning things by heart, I’m good at it.”, Charles answered, playing with the tablecloth.  
“Then the tests must be easy for you, aren’t they?”  
The question seemed a bit odd to him and Charles eyed the other, wondering what was going on behind his eyebrows. There was something in his voice and in his gaze that irritated the younger. Automatically, he exactly thought about what and how he said it.  


“Eh... yeah, somehow. Of course I make mistakes as everyone else, I don’t know everything.”  
“Hmm... obviously. But you are in the condition to take every exam, arent you?”, Erik asked, this time his voice was a bit more silent and more serious, his pale green eyes piercing his own. Charles didn’t know why Erik questioned him about his condition because, in his opinion, it had nothing to do with the exams and tests. He straightened up and avoided the other’s look, clearing his throat. He really didn’t want to talk about that while having lunch with him.  


“S-Sorry, Erik, but... I don’t think that this is an adequate topic now.”, he said, gaining self-confidence with every word. It was bad enough that he knew about his problem, he should’t be interfering even more. And apart from that, Charles didn’t want the whole evening to be as strange as it had started, so he directly watched the older and leaned forward again. “If you have something that you want to know, just ask me. Don’t do it with the help of such subliminal questions. If I am willing to tell you what you want to know, fine. If not: do me the favour and don’t try to find out more than I want you to know.”  
Erik blinked and sighed. Charles’ pulse gave him the bill for this direct statement and he had to concentrate with great effort to keep calm. But Erik didn’t disappoint him.  
“I am sorry, Charles. I... I didn’t want to question you. It’s just that I happen to know that... well, that you missed the last latin exam. I had to fill in for your professor because he had an important appointment, so I observed the test. You weren’t there.”  


Charles’ eyes widened and for a second, all colour disappeared from his face. His legs tingled from shock but he told himself that everything was alright. He could tell him the truth, he knew it already anyway. The student took in a deep breath to steady his heartbeat, then he looked the other in the eye.  
“Seems that I cannot hide a thing from you, eh?”, he joked and drank from the sight of the tiny smirk on Erik’s lips. “Well, it’s true that I wasn’t there. I... I had an important appointment too. You know Dr. Hank McCoy, he’s my doctor as well.”, Charles explained. “The date for this examination was set for months already and Dr. McCoy wouldn’t allow to postpone it, so I had to beg my professor for a make-up test. Luckily he was very kind and said it was no problem.”  


Erik watched him silently before he lost a quiet “Oh.”.  
Charles shrugged and managed a weak smile. “That’s why you didn’t see me during the test.”  
The whole situation seemed to turn out very embarrassing for Erik, telling from the startled look and the excusing smile.  
“I cannot believe I could be so blind. I am... god, I am so, so sorry, Charles. I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions. Forgive me.”, he stuttered and shortly took the younger’s hand and squeezed it in his sense of guilt. Charles blushed, but kept smiling at him and shook his head.  
“No, it’s okay. There is nothing to forgive. You made clear that... that you want to take care of me. Of course you were confused when I didn’t take part in the test. It’s... it’s alright.”, he murmured and spotted the waitress who brought them their meals, thankful for the distraction. As soon as she had put the plates on the table, Charles grabbed the fork and began to eat. He was incredibly hungry all of a sudden. Erik though still seemed to feel guilty, so Charles smiled his brightest smile in order to comfort him.  
“Trust me, Erik. It’s alright. You acted out of worry, it was a misunderstanding. And now eat or I will steal your baked potatos.”  
This time the other chuckled. “Ok but let me promise that I will never again-“  
“Will you shut up now?”, Charles said, grinned and quickly did steal a small potato from Erik’s plate. It made them both laugh.  


  


Luckily the evening became a lot more enjoyable from that moment on and Erik behaved normal again. Well, almost. From time to time Charles spotted how he observed their environment as if he searched for something or someone. But he ignored it and found more interesting topics to talk about. One of them was the latest column that Erik had written for the newspaper he worked for.  
The rain stopped after a while and they decided to go for a walk because the sun slowly crept out between the clouds and granted wet London a damp charm that they didn’t want to miss. They both got a coffe to go and left the warmth of the café.  


“Why do you even write for the newspaper? I don’t think you do it for money, do you?”, Charles asked, nipping at his scalding hot coffee. While he drank it with milk and sweet, Erik drank his black with only one sugar cube.  
“Ah, no, I don’t do it for money. The payment is ridiculously low. It’s my passion for writing that keeps me in this job. I can’t go without writing anything, I tried that once for a while and ended up writing down everything that came to my mind. It was a mess.”  
“Oh, so you’d still like to become a novelist, do I get that right?”  
“Hmm... I’m happy as a lecturer. But yes, it’s still in the back of my head and I guess it will be there for the rest of my days.” When he said that, Erik’s look got sentimental and a bit sad.  
“But what does stop you from going this way? I’ve read some of your articles and I think you’re talented. And telling from the reader’s comments I’m not the only one who thinks so.”, Charles threw in, eyeing him curiously.  


“Oh, if you only knew... when I was younger I tried to do exactly that. That was before I moved to London.”  
He stopped aprubtly, as if he had said something that he actually didn’t want to tell.  
“You could tell me. I have all the time in the- AAH!”  


When they went around the corner Charles was hit by a byciclist that was way to fast. Not only did the student fall backwards to the ground, also his cup broke and spilled the hot coffee all over him.  
“Ignorant bloody bastard! Better not meet me again or else I will wrap your goddamn bike around your deadhead!”, Erik shouted after him. Charles watched him kneel next to him and felt his arms around him. He was sitting before he could even think about checking himself.  
“Are you alright? Do you have injuries?”, Erik asked in a voice full of worry.  
Charles blinked and shook his head after a moment. He didn’t even feel the burning on his chest where the hot coffee had stained his shirt.  
“Sure? But the coffe was scalding hot... doesn’t it hurt?”  


Only then the pain came and Charles gasped.  
“Ah, y-yeah. Now that you remind me of it.”, he said, trying to hold the wet and hot fabric off his skin. When Erik helped him up, he realized that he wasn’t only drenched in coffee, but also in the dirty water of the puddle he had fallen into. “Oooh great, that trenchcoat was new.”, he joked and half turned around, trying to examine the damage. Erik half went behimd him and did it for him.  
“I am sorry. Uhm... if you want we can go to my flat and get you some clean and dry clothes. It’s nearer than yours.”, he suggested and looked at Charles in concern. The student needed a few seconds before he understood the meaning of that offer. He tried hard not to blush from the thought of getting some of Erik’s clothes. Of course he failed.  
“Ah, th-thanks, y-yes. That would be great.”  
“Fine. But let me take this before.”, he said, moving behind Charles once more and quickly stripping him off the wet trenchcoat. Before the smaller could protest he put off his own cloak and put it around his shoulders. “Otherwise you’ll catch a cold.”  
The warm smile Chatles received would have been enough to keep the cold from him, but he didn’t complain. Somehow he even counted himself lucky to have been bathed in coffee, otherwise he wouldn’t be wearing Erik’s coat that smelled so wonderfully like him.  


It took them 15 minutes to walk to the flat.  
As soon as they were there Erik seemed to grow three extra arms. He heated water for tea, he got some lotion for burned skin out of nowhere, he wrapped Charles in a towel only to come to the conclusion that he should better take a shower and started to undo the younger’s cardigan and shirt before he could react.  
“Erik, w-what-“  
“Hush, let me have a look. If it’s too bad I’ll drive you to the hospital.”  


With swift and secure moves he opened the shirt and checked where the hot coffee had burned the skin. It wasn’t that bad because the clothes had soaked in a lot before it could cause serious damage. Charles held his breath when he felt warm fingers caferully brush over the reddened parts of his chest. It was barely a proper touch but it made his pulse go insane. And once more he realized how heavily he had fallen for this man. He had never met anyone that had cared so much for him and it melted his heart to be cared for, especially because he was used to looking after himself.  


“You were lucky, it’s only lightly burnt. I’ll vet you right after you’ve taken a shower. I’ve got some towels for you.”  
His voice was soft and sounded like music in Charle’s ears. He was so much flooded with hormones and luck that he didn’t even feel the pain. With slightly wobbly legs he walked into the bath and closed the door. It was almost funny that it took an accident to get into Erik’s flat again, but he decided to enjoy his stay. That was also why he only showered very quickly to chase away the chill in his bones. When he stepped out of the shower he realized that Erik hadn’t given him any clothes yet, so he took it as a possibility for a little test. He wrapped the towel loosely around his hips and put the smaller one around the back of his neck without rubbing his hair dry. He repressed a mischievous grin and left the bath.  
Erik was in the kitchen and poured hot water into two big cups. When he turned around, Charles believed to see some tracks of irritation in his usually controlled facial expression. He looked away hastily and wanted to storm out of the kitchen, mumbling somethin like ‘I have to get you clothes sorry, sorry I forgot’ under his breath. But Charles just stood in his way and didn’t move.  


“Don’t worry, let’s drink the tea first.”, he said in a voice that could be understood as amused, lovely or even kinky. He was perfectly happy with how he had said it, because Erik seemed to be deeply troubled by it. Without waiting, he passed Erik and took one cup in both his hands, leaning to the kitchen table and eyeing the other in expectation.  
“Uhm... I’ll get the lotion.”, Erik said, after having taken a long and deep breath. When he was back he looked like he had himself under control again and Charles had to swallow a giggle. Slowly, he started to think that he might actually not be the only one who liked the other a bit more.  


“Do you want to apply it yourself or..?”  
“You do it, please. I can’t see every spot.”, Charles answered and threw another meaningful look at the taller one. This time Erik met his eyes. He opened the tube and put some of the pasty lotion onto his fingers before he, as carefully as handling a super fragile antique masterpiece, applied it onto the reddened skin. The student had to concentrate on not turning into butter under the soft touch. It didn’t hurt at all but the lotion had a pleasant cooling effect on his skin.  
“Tell me if it hurts too much.”, Erik said in a voice that was only loud enough to not count as a whisper.  
“It doesn’t hurt at all.”, Charles hummed, a sweet smile curling his lips. He put the cup of tea behind him on the table so his arms were not in the way. As long as Erik needed to cover the hurt skin they both remained silent, except for one time when the elder accidently brushed over one of Charles’ nipples, which drew a quiet gasp from his lips and added a barely noticable blush to both of their skin colours. Shortly before Erik was finished he lifted his gaze and caught the other watching him. Charles’ heartbeat went crazy and he blushed, since he had never before looked Erik into the eye from such a short distance. None of them broke the eye-contact and remained like that for a few moments. It was completely silent and one of Erik’s hands still rested on the spot where he had rubbed the lotion into the skin. For the splint of a second Charles even thought that Erik would lean in and kiss him but only when he wanted to do the same, the hand let go and the other turned around.  


Only then he realized what kind of moment he had just shared with professor Lensherr and he thought his chest might implode from excitement and endorphins.  
“Uhm... I’ll get you some clothes. Excuse me.”, Erik said and turned around, leaving the tube of burn ointment on the table.  
Charles watched him leaving the room and then took some deep breaths to calm himself down. He turned around and wanted to take the cup when his eyes fell on something he hadn’t seen before. It was a letter, lying there as if it had been forgotten. He knew it wasn’t his business and he shouldn’t even do as much as watch it, but Charles leaned forward and read the first lines.  
And it didn’t take more than two seconds before he realized what kind of letter this was. After he had read it he remembered the photo he had found weeks ago on the internet. There had been an article to it, but it had been deleted. Charles took a look at the names again.  
Klaus Schmidt. That had been the man on the photo, Erik’s kidnapper.  


Suddenly it felt like the temperature had dropped and goosebumbs covered Charles’ skin. The letter must have been read recently, otherwise it wouldn’t be lying on the table anymore. It was a horrible thought that the person who had kidnapped Erik was free again. How could they set him free if a lawyer doubted his recovery? Even to Charles it seemed as if something was deeply wrong in this case. He checked the name of the lawyer and read it often enough to remember it until he was home. The article had been erased but maybe he could find it again now that he knew the name of the lawyer. Usually he would be sensitive enough to not do so much research, but he really really liked Erik and he wanted to know him safe. If he didn’t do something about this topic himself, who would?  
Then he heard the sound of footsteps. He quickly turned around and faced the window, pretending to have enjoyed the view. Only seconds later Erik came into the kitchen, holding two trousers, three pullovers, socks and two more shirts in his arms.  


“Sorry, all my clothes are too big for you. But I found some old pieces that could fit you well enough.”, he said, his expreccion excusing. Charles turned around and smiled, even though the letter was still on his mind.  
“Thank you. I’ll try it out and be back in a minute.”  
He took the clothes and disappeared into the bath. The clothes were a little bit old-fashioned but Charles liked that. And they had such a heavy smell that he felt like wrapping himself in Erik’s arms as he slipped into a dark green pullover. It was still soft although it had been worn often. He took the old jeans and used the belt Erik had given him to keep it on his slim hips. When he was finished and got out of the bath, the other was waiting in the living room for him. It was an amused chuckle that filled the air when he saw him.  
“You look adorable.”, Erik said, still slightly laughing and taking the clothes that Charles had not taken.  
“Wow, thanks. That’s what I wanted to hear.”  
“Sorry, Charles.”, Erik said, still laughing. The clothes simply were too big. But then the taller stopped laughing and stroked Charles’ shoulder with one hand. “To be honest, this was my favourite pullover when I was 18. I only kept it for sentimental reasons, but now that I see it on you I’m glat I didn’t throw it away. You look good in it.”, he explained with a warm smile on his lips.  


The student blushed and took another look at the piece of clothing, seeing it with different eyes now. It felt even better on his skin now.  
“I am honoured to wear it then.”, Charles said, really meaning it. It meant a lot to him that Erik lent him this pullover.  
“You may keep it.”, he decided after examining Charles again and thinking a moment. “I can’t wear it anymore, but I’d like to know that it’s still worn by somebody who appreciates it.”  
Charles’ eyes grew wide in disbelief. Without thinking it through, he flung himself at Erik and hugged him tightly, receiving another chuckle before the hug was repaid. And as he felt the arms closing around him, Charles knew that he couldn’t leave Erik alone. He would have to protect him, as ridiculous as that sounded, even to himself. Now that Schmidt was free again, he would need somebody at his side. Charles swore to himself that he would be the one, whether Erik wanted it or not. That was how it worked, he cared for him and Charles would do the same in return. 


	10. Strong wind

Weeks passed and Erik found himself thinking about Charles more often that he would have liked. It was disturbing and definitely not what he had intended to do: keep him at a distance and help him with his addiction. Erik had managed to do quite the opposite, he dated him again and again and up to now hadn’t been able to help him in any way. But instead of doing anything about it, he indeed enjoyed it. He enjoyed Charles’ presence, he enjoyed their conversations, he enjoyed the little text messages they exchanged.  
It was ridiculous. He felt like a teenager again, which made him a bit uncomfortable. Usually, he was a very distanced and controlled, calm person but Charles had the ability to get everything out of him, even habits that Erik thought he would have got rid of. One of those was that he stayed up later than he should in order to watch documentations on TV that the student had recommended just to be able to talk about it. And that one time when Charles had visited him in the newspaper office without telling him... he had brought coffee and freshly self-made pretzles and after a long chat, Erik had ended up having dinner with him once more, what meant working procrastination as well.  
He couldn’t do anything about it, he simply was unable to stay away from that boy. As ironic and inappropriate as that was, he slowly started to believe that he was becoming a little addicted himself.  


It was a stormy Sunday afternoon when he finally gave in to the thought. He sighed and put away the newspaper that he had intended to read. Erik leaned back in the armchair and covered his face with both hands, rubbing his eyes and then crossing his arms behind his neck. There was no sense in denying it, he knew himself good enough to know that it would only make it worse.  


He liked this boy. No, not ‘this boy’. Charles wasn’t simply a student that he knew by chance, not anymore. There was way more between them, and not only for the past two weeks.  
Something about this young man had caught Erik’s interest right from the beginning, apart from their rather extraordinary elevator meetings. It only seemed that Charles had sensed that earlier than him and maybe Erik had come to wrong conclusions once more. Maybe it wasn’t a crush that Charles had on him, maybe it was just a natural reaction to their - Erik was a bit shocked to think about that word in that context – chemistry. He furrowed his brow and stared at an invisible point in the far distance.  
His last relationship, if that was even the right word for it, had been an embarrassing try to deal with each other in a queer intimate way and that was three years ago. Apart from the fact that it hadn’t worked for more than two months Erik had always told himself that he simply wasn’t the right guy for a relationship. Of course he happened to have dates from time to time, but those had always ended up in plain late night sex without any deeper meaning.  


With Charles it was different in many, many ways. He met him at daylight, which was one thing. Secondly, he didn’t intend to have sex with him and then never see him again.  
“Lord no...” Erik mumbled and sat up straight. His expression was stern but he felt his ears warmung up. The actual thought of possibly having sex with Charles was freaking him out. Such thoughts were seldom anyway and usually Erik only had them when a tipsy lady was eager to get down to business with him, which was seldom too, but now that it was Charles that he thought of... He felt like he had crossed a line. It was a slightly scaring and yet exciting emotion and Erik felt a needy urge rise in his chest that hadn’t been there before. Not only a sexual need, although he didn’t deny it was there all of a sudden, no, something more important, something on a mental and emotional level that was completely new to him.  
Erik almost laughed out loud, realizing how awkward and comical his situation was. He had read his Sunday newspaper like a sane person and two minutes later he was going mad with the idea of being more than friends with Charles. It was completely insane. As if he had been stuck by lightning. Completely at the mercy of that thrilling need in his chest.   


Before Erik could hold himself off he held his phone in his hand and dialed Charles’ number. He didn’t even know what to say yet but he knew that he would have to do something. He heard the free-line signal and waited.  
He jumped when he heard a lound crackling from outside. Seconds later the light flickered and went out completely. Erik cursed and approached the window, wondering if the high wind had done something to the power line. He was about to hang on and call the janitor when he heard rustling from his phone.  


“Ah, damn! Sorry, who’s there?” he heard Charles’ voice. He sounded as if he had just stopped running, breathing heavily and oviously having some difficulties with holding the phone up, telling from the noises.  
“Charles? Are you alright?” Erik asked.  
“Oh, Erik! Hey! I’m alright, yes, wonderful. Ah, just too many bags, I just came from the supermarket. What a horrible storm, I almost lost half of the stuff on my way home. Anyway, how are you? What’s the matter?” he babbled and Erik couldn’t avoid a chuckle.  
“I’m alright. Only just when I called you there was a power breakdown. I hope it’s only the fuse box, would be bad if something happened to the high voltage power line.”  
“Oh, shit. Hope it’s nothing big.” Erik heard more rustling noises “Ah, sorry. Hang on, I’m in the stairway, I’ll just carry the stuff into my flat.” Charles huffed.  
“Ah, yes, then I’ll go down and check the fuse box. I’ll be back in a minute.”  
“Okay!”  


Erik lay down the phone on the coffee table, grabbed his bunch of keys and a flashlight, then left his flat without closing the door. If anyone panicked and searched for help he thought it would be better if they found an open door.  
He went to the cellar door and unlocked it, then switched on the flashlight and went down the stone steps. It was a clean cellar, so he didn’t have to search long for the fuse box. There were a lot of circuit breakers, of course there were, this was an apartment building and each flat had its own switch. Erik searched for the main switch and found that it wasn’t turned off, so that couldn’t be the reason for the breakdown. When he looked for the staircase switch and the one for his own flat, he saw that they were all in place. He frowned and froze for a moment when he sensed something that had nothing to do with the power breakdown.  


Erik told himself that he should stay calm and call the janitor when he was in his apartment again. As he closed the cellar door he heard that the storm had gotten worse and that it had started to rain. Quickly, he went up again and closed his entrance door after wondering for a moment why it was so quiet in the house. Noone seemed to care about the power breakdown. He was about to pick up his phone again when he heard something that didn’t belong to his apartment.  
“Hello, Erik.” a voice said, icecold and calm, without any sign of humanity in it. “I can’t believe that you are the little Lensherr boy. You’ve grown a lot.”  


He turned around, every muscle and every fibre tense and ready to run. It was still dark in the room, but Erik could clearly see the person sitting in his armchair as if he was a welcomed visitor. There was a smile on the man’s face. No sound from outside reached Erik’s eardrum. He only heard his own blood rush. He was there. He had found him.  
“I woul have wished for a warmer welcome.” The man said, folding his hands in his lap. “Is that how you greet an old friend? Don’t you remember, back then in Düsseldorf? I’m Klaus, Klaus Schmidt. Although I’d prefer you to call me Sebastian now. I don’t want to bear that name anymore, too many things have happened, as you know.”  
Erik was still unable to move. Fear and horror and panic paralyzed his limbs. But at least he found his voice, even if it was low.  
“Get out of here.” he hissed through barely opened lips.  


“Na, na, Erik. Don’t be so impolite. I’ve come all the way only to see you again. It’s quite a long time that we’ve last met. When was that again? Oh, right. At court, shortly before they admitted me to the mental hospital!” Klaus said sarcastically and faked another dead smile. “Good old times.” He chuckled.  
Erik took the first flat breath in half a minute. His body was still frozen.  
“I am proud to see what has become of you. You’ve been quite good, I guess? You’re a grown man, that you are indeed. You’ve got your own apartment right in the centre of London, you’re a professor and a columnist... Things couldn’t have turned out better for you, could they?”  
Erik’s eyes narrowed and his hands curled into fists. Slowly, anger and pure hate mixed under the fear. He could reach the door to the bedroom in a few seconds, but would he manage to get the gun and aim? Sweat glissened on his forehead.  


“Where do you know all that from.” he commanded, surprised by the strength of his own voice.  
“Oh, you know I have my own scources. I had to do a bit of research to track you. Who would have thought that you’d leave the country?”  
“I wanted to forget.” he growled, eyes still narrow and piercing.  
Klaus Schmidt chuckled and shook his head, taking off his glasses and standing up.  
“I think I made sure that you wouldn’t forget the time we spent together. You helped me a lot back then, you know. Without you I wouldn’t have been able to get out of the hospital so easily. Thanks for that.”  
“I didn’t help you. You kidnapped me and conducted experiments on me. Me and the others.”  
“Ah, yes. Sadly, you were only one of the very few who made it. But it was worth it.” Klaus said, approaching Erik and grinning when he saw that the other took a hasty step backwards. He didn’t comment it though. Instead, he sighed melodramatically and watched him with sympathy.  


“You’re still scared of me, aren’t you?” he asked, eyeing him like a predator his prey. “Perfect.”  
“Leave. Now. Or else I will...”  
“What, Erik? You will call the police? Hurt me? Kill me?” Klaus wondered, followed by a silent laugh. “I don’t think so. You can barely move, boy. I see it in your eyes that you’re about to crack up by the pure sight of me.”  
He took another step closer, only half a metre was seperating them. Erik felt weak and dizzy, disarmed, defenseless.  
“Do you know why I am here?”  
The younger closed his eyes and took another flat, shaky breath.  


“Do you plan to abuse me again?” he huffed, almost screaming out loud. This was pure agony.  
“Oh, that’s such a bad word. I never laid a finger on you, don’t call me a child molester. No, I plan on using you differently this time.”  
Erik opened his eyes again and faced the man who had cracked him on the inside. Everything he had gone through, every memory flashed back into his consciousness.  
“Now that you’re a respectable citizen there are lots of other possibilities for you to do me a favour.”  
“Why should I do that, nothing stops me from going to the police right after you left. You can’t blackmail me.”  
“Oh, I can. I promise you, Erik, my dear boy: If you refuse to work for me and do exactly what I say, I will find everyone you ever met, everyone you have the slightest sympathy for and make them suffer worse than you ever did.”  
He said that as if he would explain a very simple equation to Einstein. But Erik knew exactly what he wanted to say. There was only one thing left that could destroy him completely. The people who made him who he was now.  


Charles. He would find Charles.  


“I will make them beg for mercy, I will make them beg for death. And you will be responsible. Do you want that? Do you want more innocent people on your conscience?”  
It was hopeless. For the safety of Charles, he would have to agree. For Moira. For Logan. He couldn’t bear the thought of them being tortured. His head fell forward and he fought against a tight, unyielding knot in his throat.  
“No...” he whispered with a cracked voice, not daring to look the other in the eye.  
“Good boy.” Klaus Schmidt said, lifting a hand and patting his shoulder.  
He had never felt more filthy, yet he couldn’t move. He couldn’t fight him. He was trapped again, helpless and weak. Schmidt removed his hand and threw a toxic smile at him, showing off his white teeth.  


“I knew you would accept my conditions. But I’m happy that I didn’t have to hurt you again in order to make you obedient. It’s easier for both of us if we’re talking in peace, don’t you agree?” Erik nodded.  
“Wonderful. Right now I don’t have a task for you, dear friend, I am just about to build up my own imperium. You can’t imagine how much influence I got over the years.” He explained, as if he told his grandson a fairy tale. “And the psychiatrists thought I would calm down and remain deedless.” Klaus laughed and approached Erik’s small bar. He took the yet unopened bottle of scotch and poured some into the glass that he had snatched from the board. With one big swallow, he gulped it down and nodded in a pleased manner.  
“Next time I want some ice, but I must say that you have an excellent taste.” He commented while he took a close look at the bottle.  
“I would stay a little longer and have a chat about the old times, but I don’t have much time for you. There are important things to be done and my business is far from completion. Surely you understand that. But don’t worry, I’ll contact you soon enough and I’ll always have an eye on you, Erik. Make sure that I can reach you anytime.” He said after a pause, turned around and headed to the door. But before he left he stopped once more, half turning around.  
“Oh, and I don’t have to mention that you shouldn’t tell anyone that I was here, do I? You know what will happen if you do. You know what I’m capable of. I have nothing to lose. You do, Erik, so please, be a good boy. I don’t want to hurt you.” The man said. There was something different in his eyes. Either he hid his insanity or he had reached a level of illness that you can’t even see anymore. He threw a last smile at him, one that almost seemed to be human.  
“Until next time.”  


With a soft _clack_ the door closed and Erik was alone.  
He tried to calm his heartbeat, tried to not have a backslide, but he had no chance. A few seconds of silence passed, then his knees gave in and he sank to the floor. His lungs didn’t work, he couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t think straight. The appartment spun around his head so quickly that he had to shut his eyes, trying to hide, trying to lock out the world and imprison his humanity just to save it from the destruction that took place in his head.  


Closing his eyes was a mistake though. Blurred images flashed back into his memory, each one hurting more than the previous one. He saw a small, dusty, dark room, he sat in the corner of the bed, still feeling the aftermaths of the latest experiment. The door opened and a figure in white entered. Erik didn’t even try to defend himself anymore, he knew it was less painful if he obeyed. And although he watched it, he didn’t even feel the puncture of the needle in his arm. Not after so many times.  
A different memory displaced the other. He lay on a operating table, everything around him smelled like germicide or alcohol. Dozens of instruments hung on the wall, a bright light from above made him blind exactly when the medication made an impact.  
The third flashback was the worst. Erik faced the darkest day of his life, the moment he lost everything. The moment when he heard the shot and saw the light slip away from his mother’s eyes.   
It hurt so much that it brought him back to consciousness. A choked sound escaped his lips and Erik bit them so hard that he tasted blood. But the metallic taste on his tongue led the way back to reality. Slowly, he began to understand his situation.  


Everything he had worked so hard for... all the years he had spent eliminating those memories... His world faded to dust.  
Erik stood up very slowly with shaking limbs and took one step after another into his bedroom. Sleep wouldn’t be his guest tonight, he knew that, but he needed to lie down and concentrate, otherwise this mental breakdown would probably have long term consequences.  
He closed the door that connected bedroom and living room without looking back. Otherwise he would have seen that his mobile phone was still on the table. There was still that tiny blinking light that stood for the running telephone call. And it was there for some more moments before the dialogue partner hang up and the screen showed Charles’ name.


	11. Comfort

Charles couldn’t find any sleep that night either.  
He had heard things that weren’t destined for his ears. Horrible things. The dialogue had been very quiet and he hadn’t understood everything, but he needn’t guess in order to know what was going on. That guy, Klaus Schmidt, or Sebastian Shaw, was the one who had kidnapped Erik in his youth. Charles remembered the photo he had seen. He could perfectly imagine how this guy stood in Erik’s appartment and threatened him. The pure imagination freaked him out and made his heart beat so fast that he had to take one of his calming pills.  
After he had hung on he tried to think, tried to find out what he was supposed to do now. What could he do? Most likely, Erik didn’t even know that he had still been on the phone, otherwise he would have ended the call himself. Would he find it out when he checked his phone the next time?  


Questions over questions and no answers in sight.  
He ran around his tiny flat like a tiger kept in a cage. A few minutes later he sat down on his sofa and grabbed his laptop. If he wanted to help, he needed more information about what had happened back then. Charles opened the bookmark he had saved and watched the photo again. The link to the article was still broke, but he knew that this article could contain important information. So he searched for it.  
He still remembered the name of the lawyer who had written that letter to Erik, as a serious warning, as Charles knew now. He typed several keywords and added the name Armando Muñoz. To his surprise he received a lot more results than before. This lawyer seemed to be a specialist on child kidnapping and had been involved in a few cases that had been public. Charles specified his search and used the keywords ‘Düsseldorf, kidnapping, Klaus Schmidt and Armando Muñoz’. One of the results seemed promising and it wasn’t a disappointment. He had found a complete documentation of the case.  


Before reading, Charles saved each document and each photo on his laptop and made sure he had a copy of each one on his portable hard disk, for safety. He opened the first document and hesitated. Of course he had to do research, but what about Erik? Shouldn’t he look after him? Charles wondered what he was doing right now, but the feeling in his stomach told him that he wouldn’t be of any use for him. He would only annoy and confuse him, so the student convinced himself that everyone was better off when he first did his research and stayed in the background. He would wait until Monday, the day after tomorrow, before he talked to him. On Monday he would see how Erik reacted to all this.  
Charles began to read. It was the article for the photo he had found on the internet months ago.  


  


**Police arrests black marketer Klaus Schmidt**  


_November 21st 1984, Düsseldorf  
_

_The special task force managed to arrest Klaus Schmidt after long negociation, finally saving the 10 years old Erik Lensherr, who had been kidnapped and put into life danger._   


_The police had long searched for Klaus Schmidt, prosecuted for drug trafficking, kidnapping, child labour and illegal experiments, until he was finally found in Düsseldorf._  
 _For months the german police had tried to find out Schmidt’s headquarter after having followed his track through Argentinia, Russia and Germany. Every effort had come to naught up to this point. Although the police suspected Schmidt to linger around the area of Düsseldorf, they had had no specific clue where to start._  
 _The persecution came to its end on November 21st. A suspect, an old woman in the neighbourhood, had given the final hint after having heard of it in the news. The police charged a suburban shop and investigated a huge underground area consisting of laboratories, storage rooms and cells. 6 children had been saved to that moment but Schmidt had taken one of the boys and tried to blackmail his own freedom in return of the boy’s life. After a stalemate that lasted 2 hours the police was able to free the boy and arrest Shaw (photo)._  
 _The victim, Erik Lensherr (photo), and the other children got emergency supply and were brought into the hospital, for most of them were about to die of physical adynamia and worse. Up to now it is unsure how many of them will be able to make it. Most of them were orphans then already, since Schmidt had made sure that there were no parents looking for their lost children._  
 _Soon it was clear that Schmidt had used the victims not only for labour but for drug experiments too, leaving not only physical but also psychical damages. There are rumours that some children have died of the aftermaths of this crime before, telling from a short statement that Christine Collins, the oldest of the victims and the one that was in the best condition of them all, had made shortly before she was brought into hospital as well. Corpses remain yet to be found, but the police have stated that there are children reported missing from all around Eurpoe. The circumstances of their disappearance suggest that these cases are all involved with Schmidt._  
 _Currently the regional court hears the case and debates about Klaus Schmidt’s sentence, the advocat pleads for a mental-health problem. It is to be seen how the Düsseldorf court decides. But one thing is for sure: However this is going to end for Schmidt, the sirviving children will remember the horrors they have gone through forever._  


  


After reading, Charles felt a knot in his throat and tears filling his eyes. It wasn’t the most detailed article, but he knew more than enough already. These children, Erik, they had suffered so much at such a young age, it was just unfair. The world seemed a darker place all of a sudden. Not only had Schmidt kidnapped them, he had also killed most of the parents, as far as he could tell from the article. He was sure the other documents would proove it, along with the fact that children had died under those experiments.  
For a moment Charles felt so sick that he didn’t want to go on reading. He dried his eyes with the sleeve of the pullover he had got from Erik and nipped on a glass of water. After everything he had gone through, it seemed a wonder that Erik Lensherr was still a sane person, an extraordinarily friendly and caring one in addition.  


And then it hit Charles so hard that he felt a headache. Now he understood why Erik was so concerned about his health and the fact that he took pills. He had gone through the same! No, that was wrong, what he had experienced wasn’t comparable to his own problems. His eyes had barely dried before and now they were filling with tears again, only that this time Charles couldn’t contain them anymore. He shoved the laptop away and stood up, searching for some tissues. By the time he had found some in a drawer he already felt the wetness on his cheeks.  
A soft sigh escaped him, followed by a quiet “God, why... why him?”, muffled by the handkerchief. It was more than Charles could take in. Nobody would judge Erik if he kept everyone at distance and yet he tried to help him. His quiet noises were drowned by the sound the wind made outside. If he was crying, how did Erik feel? This was his worst nightmare come alive, Charles guessed. And on top of that, he still had to tell him something. There was still that one thing that Erik didn’t know about him and that would cast a different light on that medicine student with a drug problem. If he had felt bad before for not telling Erik, he felt miserable now. In comparison to what he had found out this night, it was Erik’s only right to know everything about him in return.  


Charles needed a few minutes before he could stop crying. He felt ridiculous, since he should be the strong one now. Telling himself that it was his turn to help Erik, he sat back down on the sofa and took the laptop again. It was a long and unpleasant night to come.  


  


By sunrise he had finished his research. He had read all the atricles from the homepage and he had found more pictures and reports of the location where the children had been kept. It was a nightmare indeed. Endless, narrow corridors, small rooms with camp beds, countless laboratories and operation rooms, a plantation of the weirdest plants Charles had ever seen and even an improvised graveyard for the ones that died during the experiments. Well, it wasn’t a graveyard. It was a room at the end of a corridor with no floor, only earth. There they had found 7 corpses. And all that subterrestrial. That was why the police had been so clueless for such a long time.  
Charles had also sent an email to Armando Muñoz after he had found his address among others on a sheet of paper which was meant for the victims, so that they had contact persons. In this email he had summed up the situation without telling too much and asked for an appointment. Charles wanted to meet this man personally and make sure he was the right one to ask for help. Offering witness protection and trying to convince the judiciary and executive of Shaw’s uncurable mental illness and anewed drugs racketeering were two completely different things.  


He didn’t know how to get through Sunday. He had done everything he could up to now and yet he didn’t feel like resting. The only thing that Charles hadn’t done yet was calling Erik or visiting him. If he only could be sure whether he would be a help for him or not... This situation was so extraordinary and frightening and dangerous that Charles had no idea what Erik needed and how he managed the new circumstances. Usually the student would say that he had enough courage to handle this, but telling from the things he heard it seemed different. Which was relatable, of course. Charles couldn’t think of him as a coward, no way.  
In order to keep his mind busy, he sat down and decided to do his homework for next week and learn Latin vocabulary that he didn’t even need to know by heart yet. But trying to remember words out of context was the right thing to avoid thinking too much. Overthinking wasn’t good, he knew that, and he always acted instinctive anyway.  
Hours passed and the older the day got, the less concentration he could build up. He was short of sleep and his eyes burned. A short view at his phone told him that Erik hadn’t reacted to their call yet. Either that or he didn’t want to talk.  


Charles resisted the urge to write a message and decided to get a few hours of sleep. As soon as he hid under the blanket he drove off for 5 hours.  
His stomach hurt from hunger, so the student spent the rest of the day eating bits of a single cereal bar and nipping on peppermint tea heavily sweetened with honey. And although he had only slept little, he decided to go on learning. If Erik would proove to need his help, he had to be prepared. Better when he didn’t have to worry about his grades.  
After another night that was even shorter than the previous one, Charles felt sick with worry. Breakfast only got stuck in his throat and the pills affected his stomach so much that he didn’t even empty his cup of tea. The student felt stressed and overstrained, but not tired at all when he got ready to go to university on that Monday morning. Over the night he had made some plans how to talk to Erik, but they would all be useless if he missed him, so he was overly punctual. Charles was there at 7 am although his first lecture was at 9:30. He was too nervous to just wait somewhere, so he ran around the campus, checking the places where he could possibly find professor Lensherr. It was 09:12 am when he saw him entering the building of the faculty of philosophy.  


“Erik! Wait!” he called, but the other didn’t react, so he run after him, guessing that he would go to his office. The door just closed when he turned around the corner. Charles knocked when he reached it, but didn’t wait for an answer.  
“Erik, I need to talk to you.” Charles blurted out. Only then he saw what the two nights had done to Erik. He was a complete mess, he hadn’t combed his hair, hadn’t slept at all. The dark shadows under his eyes revealed his tiredness, although his eyes were wide open and looking around nervously. It broke Charles’ heart to see him like that. He seemed to have lost a few pounds.  


“Oh, Charles.” Erik mumbled, as if he just remembered that he existed. “Sorry, I don’t have the time now. I have to prepare the lecture, I’m late.”  
Erik was never late.  
“Please, Erik. Listen to me. Last Saturday evening, when you called me-“  
“I said I don’t have time for you now.” He repeated, obviously trying to get rid of him and hide his horrible condition.  
“But it’s important! Erik, I... I know it.” Charles said through barely opened teeth.  
“You know wha-“  
Erik’s expression changed from tired and annoyed to shocked and disbelieving. He seemed to remember that he hadn’t ended their last call, telling from the piercing look of his eyes. It was almost uncomfortable to be watched like this. Charles swallowed and tried to say something, but the words wouldn’t find the way out of his mouth. Only at the third try he managed to speak.  


“I was on the phone when... when Schmidt was at your’s.”  
Silence. Something inside Erik seemed to crack. There was a long pause until one of them found back the courage to break their silence.  
“That is none of your business.” Was the only thing Erik said. He had his expression under control again. So much, that if Charles hadn’t known it better, he would’ve simply believed that he was only a bit tired.  
“How can you say that? God, I heard him, you need help, Erik!” Charles said, a bit louder and more aggressively than he intended. Erik eyed him with such a cold look that the boy felt threatened.  
“You have no idea. Obviously, you haven’t heard everything he said. I am not the one in danger. You are, Charles.”  
He was confused. Why would he be in danger? Yes, he hadn’t heard all of it, but how much had he missed?  
“I don’t understand in how far I should be-“  
“Of course you don’t. He might have threatened me, but how du you think did he force me to obey? Do you think he can blackmail me with money?” Erik said, his voice loud and strong. He shook his head before he went on, his eyes were showing off such a desperation that Charles felt overwhelmed by the task he had chosen for himself. It took Erik a moment to say it.  
“He threatened to find every person that means something to me and make them pay for my resistance. He would find everyone... he would find you.” He said quietly, almost afraid to talk about it. “I won’t let him get you. I won’t give him a reason to even think about it. Sooner or later he’ll get tired of controlling me and disappear.”  
Charles forgot how to breathe. That was new. Not only that Shaw threatened to torture Erik’s friends, but that Erik thought especially about him in that context. But as quickly as that thought had popped into his mind, as quickly it was gone and overshadowed by the cruel facts. He understood why Erik wanted to deal with Shaw on his own. It was the safest way to protect Charles, at least.  


“I won’t back off. This is my business as well. Not only because he made me the pressurizing medium, but because you’re my friend. I care for you, Erik. Do you think I will do nothing and watch him destroy you? I can’t let him do that again.” The student said, indicating deeper knowledge.  
“How much do you know?”  
“Everything.”  
“Then you know that you better stay out of this.”  
“I won’t remain deedless.”  
The other sighed and leaned on the table, covering his face with his hands. Charles tried to keep a stern expression, but it grew softer with every passing second until it showed off how much he cared. Erik rubbed over his closed eyes and sighed.  


“I beg you, Charles. Don’t do anything inconsiderately. Best you don’t do anything at all. It’s too much of a risk. Promise me you will stay far away from Schmidt.” He requested, looking so worn out as if he had lived a hundred lives. Now that everything was said, Charles shared that feeling of being old and tired and sick. The student thought about Erik’s plea and sat up straight when he knew what he had to do. It wasn’t much, but he knew it would help him.  
“I’ll promise it if you promise me something in return.” He began, waiting to go on until Erik met his eyes. “You have to call in sick and recover from... you know. I am feeling like shit myself and it isn’t even me who’s threatened. I don’t want to imagine how bad you must feel, Erik.”  
At first he didn’t react, but the professor couldn’t keep pretending to be alright any longer. He sighed and rubbed the brigde of his nose as if to chase away bad thoughts or a headache, probably both.  


Charles swallowed before he said with a slightly shaking voice: “I want to take care of you...”  
That seemed to wake Erik. He sat up and stared at the opposite as if he remembered something pleasant, then he nodded with his eyes closed.  
“Yes... you’re right. I will call in sick and take off a few days.” He said, more to himself than to Charles, as if he had to hear his own voice in order to be convinced of the idea. The brunette took a relieved breath and managed a soft smile. After Erik had done the call they left the office and Charles wondered if he should accompany him on his way home. He looked even worse now, so the student called a taxi before Erik could get his car key out and decide to drive home all alone.  
He would miss his lecture but he didn’t really care, he only wanted Erik to return home safe and force him to get some sleep. After a few minutes drive they were entering the apartment building. Charles walked closely to the other, as if to make sure he wouldn’t collapse or run off, which was both ridiculous of course.  


Nevertheless, the student lost a relieved sigh when he saw that Erik’s apartment was empty, no unbidden visitor waiting there. He snatched the bag from Erik’s hand, put it on the floor next to the kitchen table and helped him out of the jacket. After Charles had hung it up he took his own trenchcoat off, telling himself that it was okay since he took care after Erik.  
“Did you have breakfast today?” Charles asked in a very soft voice, holding Erik’s shoulder comfortingly. Erik shook his head.  
“Is it okay if I use your kitchen then? You have to eat, don’t even start to skip breakfast.”  
“Yes, of course. Ask me if you need something.”  


With those words, Erik let himself fall backwards on the sofa, arms on the back rest. Charles found that it was progress, at least Erik allowed himself to relax and let him do the cooking.  
Swift and secure movements guided him through the kitchen. Everything was neat and tidy, so he didn’t have to search for a frying pan and for the eggs and bacon. He found some preserve beans in tomato sauce and put them in a pan as well before he threw two slices of toast in the toaster. Charles heated water for the teapot he had found in the wall cupboard and prepared two cups. He flavoured the eggs and put them on a big plate, waiting a few more moments for the bacon to become crispy. The beans were hot and the toast was finished as well, then he put the tea bags in the water and arranged everything on a breakfast shelf before he went back into the living room. Erik sat up when he smelled the English breakfast that his friend had arranged in less than 15 minutes.  


“Your kitchen is great. I only have a multifunctional thing between oven, sink and cooker.” He murmured while he put the shelf on the table in front of Erik. He removed the tea bags and poured some into the two cups, taking one for himself and then sitting down next to the other. As an exception, he allowed himself to sit closer to him than usually and nodded encouragingly when Erik raised an eyebrow at the meal.  
“Don’t you want something too?”  
Charles shook his head and smiled. “No, thanks. I’m not that hungry, tea is enough for me.”  
“Hm. Well, tank you for cooking.” Erik said in a voice that was new to him, a voice that was deeply thankful and even a bit shy. The student smiled again and shyly petted his back before he concentrated on his tea, feeling a slight blush in his cheeks.  


While Erik ate, Charles simply sat there and watched him, proud to be able to help him, even if it was only to make him a proper breakfast. He was a bit lost in his thoughts when he suddenly saw a slice of bacon in front of him.  
“It’s great, you have to try it.” Erik said with a weak smile, the first Charles saw after that horrible weekend. Blushing a bit more, he took it from Erik’s hand and nibbled, surprised by the good taste. He guessed it was some really good bacon on its own and not his cooking that made it taste so great, but he was happy anyway that Erik found it delicious. After a while though he lay down the fork and sighed, signaling that he was full.  
“I’m feeling better already, thanks. Haven’t had such a good breakfast for a long time.” He said and emptied his cup. “Are you sure you don’t want the rest? I can’t eat any more and it would be a waste to throw it away.”  
When Charles saw the look in those blueish-green eyes he felt his chest fill with warmth, unable to deny him anything. Without thinking, he grabbed the fork that Erik had used and stabbed a chunk of scrambled eggs and taking a bite of toast to it. As soon as he was chewing, the smile on Erik’s face widened and even found the way to his eyes.  


“I’m going to change, if that’s alright.”  
Charles nodded and watched him disappear into the bedroom from the corner of his eye. Somehow he had the feeling that Erik had sensed that he was hungry after all. His breakfast had consisted of a pill and a bit of tea. Only when Charles finished the eggs and beans and put away the fork, he realized that he had shared a complete dish and a fork with Erik, which made his heart jump a little. It was ridiculous, yet he couldn’t help grinning to himself and licking his lips. He felt like they were finally getting closer.  
Just when he started to clean the dishes Erik came back. A short look over his shoulder told Charles that he had changed into joggers and a shirt that looked much like those Charles preferred to sleep in: light fabric and long sleeves. A second later he got pushed aside by a taller body.  


“Let me do the dishes, you’ve done the cooking.” Erik said, not allowing any protest, so Charles dried his hands and leaned back against the table exactly like he had when Erik had rubbed burn ointment into his skin. He found himself staring at the older one. It was unfamiliar to see him like that, all in cosy clothing and only with socks on instead of shoes. Those jogging pants looked insultingly good on Erik’s slim hips and under the light fabric of his shirt he could see firm shoulder bones and muscles moving. Was it normal to find such clothing so extremely sexy? He realized that it wasn’t entirely the clothing he found so attractive, but the fact that Erik trusted him and felt comfortable enough to wear something like that while he was around. It was those clothes that he wore when he was at home, when he felt safe and when he relaxed. That was what made them so sexy. Well, that and the well-built body underneath.  
When Erik finished and turned around, Charles blinked and ripped his gaze off him, not willing to show his interest in a situation like this. Maybe he would have felt more at ease when he wouldn’t be wearing his outdoor clothes either.  


“Uhm... can I do anything for you?” he asked in a thin voice, instantly clearing his throat when he heard it. “I already planned to skip my lectures today, so... eh... I have time.” He added, scratching the back of his neck. He dared to meet the other’s eyes, only to see that he was a bit insecure as well.  
“Actually, I’m... I’m a bit boring when it comes to relaxing. I like watching movies and stuff like that.”  
“Fine, let’s do that. Everything to make you feel comfortable.” Charles replied and clapped his hands once, which was a bit too enthusiastic, so he stopped and managed a smile instead. Erik chuckled and turned around, but he hesitated before he sat down on the sofa. The shorter one threw a questioning look at him.  
“What’s wrong?” he asked, afraid that now the time had come to talk about the things that had happened in Erik’s youth. But when they looked at each other he knew it was something far less serious.  


“God, I don’t even know how to say it... uhm... don’t mistake it for a cheap chat-up line, but... would it be okay for you if we relocated this to the bedroom?”  
Charles’ mouth fell open in the few moments of silence. Had he missed something??? There were a few steps missing!  
“Watching a movie, I mean. I have a television there as well and, to be honest, I am very tired and I don’t know if I won’t fall asleep...”  
His jaw still hung in mid air when Charles got it. He blinked and lost a sound between a laugh and a nervous gasp.  
“Oh! Y-yes, of course, no, d-don’t worry, it’s alright.” He stuttered, desperately trying not to reveal what he was thinking. It was so embarrassing that he felt the heat rise first in his ears, then in his cheeks and even his neck. As soon as Erik headed to the bedroom he made gestures that included slapping himself and the need to melt into the floor right where he stood. How much painfulness could a human survive before he exploded? Charles felt like he was about to blow up the upper limit.  
Carefully and aware of his steps, he entered the bedroom and found Erik standing in front of a few shelves with a lot of DVDs.  
“I’m in the mood for some light entertainment, how about you?”  
“Yes, s-sounds good.” The student mumbled. When he realized that the other had at least not showed the embarrassment of the situation, Charles allowed himself to relax. He was here to take care of Erik, he needn’t let himself be distracted. But it was hard to feel comfortable, he still had his shoes on and didn’t know if he should lie down or sit with his back against the wall or use the blanket, next to a hundred other questions. When he finally bent down to take his shoes off at least, Erik had found a movie and looked for Charles’ approval, only to see him opening the laces.  
“Oh, sorry, I’m such a moron. Do you want to change as well?” he asked and opened his wardrobe without waiting for an answer. Charles stepped out of his shoes and followed Erik’s movements with his eyes, wondering which clothes he would get this time.  


“I hope these will do.” The professor said and offered him jogging pants that were very similar to those he was wearing himself and a sweater that was very soft to the touch.  
“You really shouldn’t have...”  
“That’s understood. You might be here because you want to take care of me, but then let me provide what’s necessary for you to be comfortable around here.” Erik said with a soft smile and caring eyes. Everything Charles could do was not to cuddle the air out of both their lungs right then. He wondered if he should go and change in the bathroom, but he decided to show Erik that he felt so very at ease with him that he didn’t mind changing where he was. While the other put the movie in the DVD-player, Charles quickly got out of his cardigan and pulled on the sweater over his t-shirt. Then he took off the black jeans he had bought direcly after he had met Erik and slipped into the cosy pants he had been given. As soon as he tied them up around his hips he felt so much more comfortable that he had no problem crawling on the bed that was big enough for two.  
Only when Erik took place next to him and lifted the blanket to cover his legs with it the situation became a bit awkward. One wouldn’t think that these two had had a few dates already, the way Charles sitting there, concerned to not cross the invisible line between the two halves of the bed. He would have died to cuddle up right next to Erik but he felt like this was too much to ask, so he remained where he was.  


“I’m glad that you’re there.” Erik suddenly said in the moment that the DVD needed to start. Charles turned his head to meet his eyes. Maybe it was the dim light or maybe it was his own lack of sleep, but he could see how worn out Erik was. It was a great effort to not go insane with the thought that the man who had kidnapped him was back to put upon him again, he guessed. “I’m glad that you let me be here. I don’t want you to face this all on your own.” Charles answered, revealing his desire to help him and stay at his side. Erik’s eyes reflected a very distant light and for just a second, he allowed himself to show weakness.  
“Don’t leave when I fall asleep, okay? Stay with me.”  


The boy felt his head go a bit dizzy when he heard that, barely believing it. Erik wanted him to stay, admitted that he needed him. After the first shock had passed, Charles smiled a very comforting smile that told Erik not to worry.  
“I will stay as long as you want me here.” He answered quietly. After another short moment, he dared to move his hand and put it on Erik’s, gripping it shortly and firmly, just to underline his words. To his surprise, the long, slender fingers opened up and entangled with his own. His eyes were pinned to their hands and his cheeks were burning once more. This felt so right.  
Without saying any more, Erik pressed play and started the movie, sliding down on the mattress until his head rested against the pillow that leaned at the back rest. When he saw that Charles was still sitting, he lifted the blanket and invited him to lie down irresistibly close to him. Of course, the student couldn’t deny it, even if he had to take a long breath to calm down. The warmth of Erik’s body was mind-blowing and they were still holding hands, since neither of them would let go for as much as a second.  


Although the movie had started, Charles was unable to concentrate on it just a single bit. His mind was racing as well as his heart and he felt like he could ruin evetything by only one movement. But the longer their fingers were entwined around each other’s, the more did he relax. After a few minutes, he allowed himself to enjoy the warmth and the peacful atmosphere, since Erik didn’t seem to have a problem with holding hands either.   
Not even 20 minutes later, Erik had fallen asleep. Charles reached over for the remote and turned the volume lower so that it wouldn’t wake him up. With a lot of concentration, he had managed to watch 15 more minutes before he yawned and gave in to what he had wanted right from the moment they were resting with each other. He was too tired and feeling to comfortable to think about it when he loosened the grip of their hands just to lay his arm around Erik’s upper body. Charles positioned the pillow and was cheeky enough to take Erik’s arm and put it around his shoulders to be able to snuggle into his shoulder. His scent was strong and smelling so good that the student felt gooseprickles on his skin. Even if this would turn out to need an explanation when they woke up, he enjoyed it as much as he could, inhaling Erik’s presence, hearing his slow heartbeat and feeling his body heat next to his own.  
In the last minutes before he drove off into sleep, he drew tiny circles with his forefinger on Erik’s chest, smiling to himself with closed eyes. Tender fingers on his shoulder massaged the same pattern into his skin and sent him into a soft dream.


	12. Trust

When Erik woke up he found himself alone in his bed. He sat up abruptly and wondered where Charles was. The television had been turned off and when Erik touched the matress next to him he felt the distant warmth of a body that had left only a minute ago. As soon as he realized that he had fallen asleep and that Charles, most likely, had slept right next to him, he got an awkward feeling.  


Only when he was fully awake he remembered why he was in his bed. He frowned when he realized that his first thought hadn’t been Shaw, no. It had been Charles. After all, his feelings for him hadn’t changed, even though Erik had more serious problems than his romantic feelings for a student.  
But where was he? Just when he wanted to stand up he heard the flush from the bathroom. His clock told him that it was long past midday, he had slept about five or six hours.  
He heard the bathroom door open and close and only seconds later he saw Charles peeking into the room.  


“Oh, you’re awake! Did I wake you up?” he asked, a frown on his face.  
“I don’t know. I just woke up a moment ago. Did I... uhm... sorry that I fell asleep for so long.” Erik apologised, but Charles shook his head and smiled.  
“Don’t worry, I slept as well. Your bed is very cosy.”  
Erik watched Charles’ cheeks go pink at his own comment. So they had slept right next to each other in one bed. It was almost ironic that the last time Erik had had another person in his bed only for sleep was... never, actually. This boy was turning everything upside down.  
“Well, it’s always comfortable with such nice company.” He said, looking the other right into his seablue eyes. He knew exactly that Charles had enjoyed it too, so Erik showed off some of his more obvious flirting skills. The student’s eyes went wide and for a moment he matched the colour of a hydrant, but then he chuckled, to his relief. So this was getting quite serious, Erik thought.  


“Are you hungry?” he asked and threw the blanket away, walking up to Charles until they stood in front of each other under the door frame.  
“Hmmm... a little bit maybe. Are you?”  
“Yes. Taking into consiceration that it’s past 4pm I’d say we order pizza. It’s my trade, you’ve done so much for me already.” Erik suggested, looking at the shorter one and receiving an enthusiastic nod.  
“Sounds great, thanks!”  
The student’s smile was so warm and happy that it infected Erik, making him smile in return. How should he thank Charles for everything he’d done? Pizza wasn’t enough in any way. So he just sighed and embraced the boy, giving in to his emotions and winding his arms around the slim body. He heard him gasp in surprise, but soon Charles returned the hug and shyly rested his forehead on Erik’s shoulder. Thanks to the height difference, Erik could bend his head in a comfortable way to rest it against Charles’. As he did, he mumbled into the soft waves of auburn hair.  


“Thank you. For being here, for taking care of me. I forgot how good it is to have someone watch over you. I had no idea I needed it so much.”  
Charles didn’t answer, but Erik could feel his heartbeat racing against his chest, as their upper bodies were pressed together. This was perfect. He wanted to stand there and enjoy the warmth, the closeness, the feeling of intimacy and forget all his worries. When he held Charles, he was able to forget. He forgot that Shaw was about to take over his life once more, he forgot that he was fighting the frustration he suffered for being stuck in the office of a barely known newspaper, he even forgot that the boy in his arms was hopelessly addicted to drugs and probably beyond the point of return. All that mattered was Charles’ soft, shy breath against his skin and the tender hands that clung to the fabric of his shirt a bit too hard for a standard hug. Where would he be if Charles hadn’t come to calm his mind and help him regain control? He didn’t know. This boy had become the centre of his life with neither his knowing nor his permission. Now that he thought about it, Erik realized that it was his own fault after all. He had decided to look after him and make sure he would get help. If he hadn’t made that decision, they wouldn’t be standing there, hugging and allowing themselves to let go a little bit.  


The taller one sighed and loosened the embrace. After a smile, he asked: “What pizza do you want?”  
Charles thought about it for a moment, he didn’t seem to know his favourite yet.  
“Uhm... I’ll go for good old salami.”  
“Good choice. Make yourself comfortable, I’ll order.” He answered, going to the living room and taking the telephone. He knew the number by heart, since it was his favourite Italian restaurant, where he happened to eat about four times per month. He ordered a salami pizza, one with pepperoni, two small salads and two cokes.  
When he turned around he saw Charles sitting on the sofa, watching him.  
“It’ll take about half an hour.” He explained and sat down next to the boy, who was still refusing to look away. His blue eyes had a piercing look and Erik felt like he was presented on a silver platter. After a short moment he knew what Charles was waiting for. So the time had come.  


“So, I guess you’re waiting for some explanations?” he started carefully, meeting Charles’ eyes in search for acknowledgement. He received a small nod.  
“Well, you don’t have to explain anything to me. I just... I would like to understand the situation better. If you don’t mind telling me.” Charles answered, chewing his bottom lip and drawing one knee up to be able to face the other.  
“Hmm... I think I owe you my story, since I pretty much stalked yours out of you.”  
Charles smiled mildly, at least they could smile over it. “But first, could you tell me what you already know? Then I can think about a proper start.”  
That seemed to trouble the student. There was something that he wanted to say, it seemed. In order to encourage him, Erik reached out and laid his hand on Charles’. This topic wasn’t easy and they both had to find a way to deal with it.  


“I’m going to be honest.” the boy started. “I know about the kidnapping longer than you probably think. Uhm... do you remember the first time we... we met?”  
Erik nodded.  
“Well, I was so nervous that I tried to find a topic to talk about with you, so I did some research. I found two photos, one with you and Schmidt and... and one on a missing person’s report.” Erik remained silent. He wouldn’t have thought that the photos could be found so easily by only knowing his name. The internet didn’t forget a thing... He couldn’t believe that the report was still online.  


“So you’ve only seen the photos back then.”  
Another nod before Charles continued. “I didn’t mean to question you about it, of course. I really didn’t mean to interfere in your privacy, I know how it feels. B-But... there is something you need to know. I don’t know why I did it, I shouldn’t have... I hope you’re not too angry with me but... last time I was here, after that coffee accident... I was waiting in the kitchen, you were looking for the burn ointment. That was when I saw the lawyer’s letter. Please don’t be mad at me, it was wrong to read it and I still feel guilty.” He muttered, barely able to finish a sentence before he started the next. Erik just listened, so Charles went on. “And I didn’t mean to eavesdrop on your... encounter with Schm... Shaw. I just got back into my flat and put the grocery bags on the table when I picked up the phone again. I asked if you were there but you weren’t, so I waited for you to come back and... well, before I could understand what was happening I heard the conversation. First I wanted to come here and look after you, but I feared that I would only make it more complicated and dangerous. So I stayed at home and did more research. Now that I knew the lawyer’s name I could specify my research – and I struck. I got a whole documentation of the case, articles, more pictures, a victim interview. The whole package. And there’s another thing that I did. I wrote Armando Muñoz and asked for an appointment.”  


Charles took a deep breath, obviously relieved to have told the truth. Erik wasn’t angry, not at all. He understood him, and it was also his fault that he hadn’t put away the letter. Nevertheless, it was a bit of information to take in, so Erik removed his hand and scratched his neck.  
“Don’t worry, it’s alright.” He said before Charles could work himself up over the matter. “Somehow I have to be thankful that you happened to know all that.”  
The other smiled weakly and gave a little shrug.  
“Anyway, what don’t you know yet? I have the feeling that you know more about it than I do myself. I didn’t tune in to the police investigations back then, I couldn’t, since I was in hospital. I only received the most important information, no details. And when I had time to, I didn’t want to know anymore.”  
Charles’ mouth was a thin line.  
“Of course not.”  


“So, are there things you need to know? Now that we’re talking about it, I’d like to cover up the topic.”  
“Yes, sorry... I... I’d like to know... I mean, why have you been reported missing? What happened?”  
Erik sighed and leaned sideways against the backrest. His fingers played with the seam of the leather sofa.  
“It was all my decision. I didn’t want to live in Düsseldorf anymore. My parents were dead, I had no other siblings and the only person that I got along with was another boy at the orphanage, Logan. I met him at the bakery that we both worked at when I was 16. Both of us had nothing that kept us there. There was no place in Germany where we wanted to be, so we planned to drift. We waited until Logan was 16 before we started our way to England. It took us more than three months, if I remember correctly.”  


Erik remembered it very precisely, he knew it. It had been a tough, yet adventurous and good time with Logan.  
“We earned money with low wage work on our journey and a few people were kind enough to help us. We spent most of the time working, to earn enough money for a living in England, since we were both too proud to beg for money on the streets. That would have been to suspicious anyway, two young boys all on their own. We had enough trouble escaping the police.”  
Charles’ eyes were wide and he was listening very closely. Erik made a short break in order to put his memories in the correct chronological order.  
“You have to know that I was 17 then already and had a very good graduation. I skipped a year because I’ve always been better than my classmates. As soon as we were in England we rented the cheapest apartment we could find. Logan started an apprenticeship and I happened to get a scholarship, so I went to the University of Brighton for language and literature studies. Next to that I worked for a row of different newspapers at minimum wage, but shortly before I got my bachelor I managed to publish a few articles. That’s how I came to writing and where I work now, apart from the lecturer job. After a while I decided to move to London. Logan stayed in Brighton and still lives there because he loves the sea. We meet from time to time but it’s more like a duty than a profound friendship. He refers to us as brothers.”  


“Wow, you’re even more interesting than I thought. You have been so self-dependant at such a young age, I admire that.”  
Erik felt a bit flattered and smiled before he cleared his throat and reminded himself that the primary topic was far less impressing and definitely not a from-zero-to-hero-story.  
“You’re young too, and studying medicine, that’s not any less impressing.”  
Charles’ eyes darted to the floor and his body language became more concerned.  
“Yeah... but that’s different. I didn’t have to build my own existance.”  
Erik wanted to get more information about that but the other was quicker with his questions.  


“I don’t know how much I am allowed to ask and how deep you’re willing to go, but I’d like to know... I wonder what happened exactly in the night when... when you got kidnapped.” The student said. His voice was low and full of worries, even though the things he was talking about had happened long ago. Erik hesitated a moment, it was hard to remember something that catapulted you out of your childhood and into a cruel world beyond imagination.  
When he had found a start he said: “The therapist told me I had a trauma. We spent hours and hours trying to solve it but fact is, I can’t remember the night. I only have images in my head, blurry and dark, and when I try to see more, the fogg only gets thicker.”  
That statement was the bare truth and Erik felt better now that he had said it. After the therapist in the hospital he had never been to any other, believing that ignoring and blocking them out was the best way to deal with his experiences. The last time he had talked about the kidnapping had been with Logan, when he had made the offer to run away and go to England. And that hadn’t been more than a superficial transfer of information, since Logan had asked for a reason.  
“I’ve read about that phenomenon. It’ quite usual for a psychic trauma that the victim can’t remember the exact happenings.” Charles said. Erik knew that too, now that he heard it. That had been among the things his therapist had talked about with him.  
“Yes. The only thing I remember is... that Schmidt killed my mother.”  


Telling from the expression on the student’s face, he had already known or sensed that. Nevertheless, he looked shocked and horrified at the thought.  
“You have seen it?” he asked carefully. Erik only nodded, his gaze was drifting off into the distance. His ears heard a gun shot that wasn’t there, his skin felt a cold breeze from an opened window. The thud of a liveless body. His mother’s eyes looked at him, but saw no more.  
“She died protecting me.”  


They remained silent for a while. Erik stayed there, in the back of his head, caught in his memories, until he felt a soft touch on his cheek. He blinked and found back to reality, where Charles’ warm, tender fingers cupped his cheek in a gesture of comfort.  
“Your mother must have been a wonderful and brave woman.”  
That made him smile. He allowed himself to enjoy the touch, so Erik covered Charles’ hand with his own and made eye-contact.  
“She was.”  
After another short moment, the student murmured: “I am so sorry for what you went through, Erik. You have seen the ugliest side of life and yet you have become as wonderful and brave as your mother. I think I’ve never met a man as strong as you are. And believe me, I know what strength is and how weakness looks like.”  
Charles’ words went right in his chest and lit a light that was able to chase the shadows of his memory back to the dark corners of his mind. He felt warm and safe and more at ease with his fate than ever before.  


“Thank you.” Erik whispered, a bit overwhelmed by the feeling of having someone he could trust and who had faith in him as well. With the hand still on his cheek, he leaned a bit forward and shortly after that, Charles joined him in the movement. The beating of his heart picked up the pace when he saw through half-lidded eyes that the boy was beginning to close his as well. Erik’s other hand made his way up to Charles’ neck all on his own and was about to reach its destination.  
Then the doorbell rang and both of them jumped.  


Dilated pupils surrounded by oceans met his eyes and only a second later, laughter filled the room. The moment was gone, the intimate atmosphere broken. But Erik didn’t pity it, laughter was more important now and they had plenty of time anyway.  
“Dinner’s ready.” He chuckled and leaped off the sofa to open the door. The pizza boy handed him a bag and two cartons, which he handed to Charles so that he could pay. Erik tipped the boy generously and closed the door. The student had already put the cartons on the coffee table and began unwrapping them.  
As quiet as it had been before in the apartment, it was now filled with laughter, the sounds of _Matrix_ and a relaxed conversation. The evening passed very quickly and Erik didn’t get the chance to recreate the previous situation. After Charles had managed to ask if he should and/or could stay over the night and Erik had just laughed because he had thought it obvious, they went to bed. This time though without cuddling.  


  


Charles’ phone rang at 8am and they both woke from the sound. The unwilling grunt next to him made Erik giggle and he had to ask himself when he had last laughed so early in the morning.  
After a sigh and a yawn, Charles mumbled: “I have a lecture at 9:30. Is it okay for you if I go?”  
Erik turned his head and looked at him. “Of course! It is my duty as a professor to tell you that you have to go.”  
The brunette grinned and sat up, streching his arms and ruffling through his messy morning hair.  
“Is it okay if I have shower?”  
“I think my shower would be honoured if you did.”  


He received a pillow in the face for that comment. Charles disappeared into the bathroom and as long as he was showering, Erik prepared a little brekfast. His fridge was nearly empty, so it was only buttered toast, the rest of the bacon and tea. He was nipping at his own cup when the boy joined him. To his surprise, Charles was wearing a different shirt than he had the day before and Erik couldn’t help but grin at the thought that he had brought changing clothes with him.  
“I forgot that I ordered full board.” Charles chuckled when he saw the toasts. He took one and leaned against the kitchen table the same way he had done before.  
“It’s all-inclusive if you’re my guest.” Erik answered. “Do you need a lift, Mr. Xavier?”  
The student grinned from ear to ear and it was so sunny and adorable, with the wet hair standing up from his head and sticking to his forehead in small curls.  
“Thanks, no. I don’t want paparazzi following the black limousine.” He repaid, which made Erik laugh once more. He found it wonderful that Charles was finally getting over his shyness and showed off some of his sharp wit. After watching him chewing, the taller asked: “You can come back here after your lectures, if you want.”  


Charles’ expression froze for a moment before he understood the meaning of Erik’s words, but then he smiled even wider.  
“I... uh... okay, I will.” He said, holding the eye-contact. Then his gaze fell upon the kitchen clock. “Oh! I have to hurry up!”  
With those words, he grabbed the second toast and ran off to slip into his black boots and grab his jacket and shoulder bag. He already stood in the doorframe when he turned around.  
“See you later!” he mumbled with the toast still hanging from his mouth. Erik chuckled and saw him off. He had called in sick for two days, not counting Monday, so he didn’t have to go. Instead, he decided to go grocery shopping and do the workout he had missed. After he had emptied his tea, he put on his jogging pants and shoes and was off running for an hour. The fresh, cool London morning air was good for his lungs and created new room in his head.  


After a long shower and an overdue shave, he drove to the supermarket. He decided spontaneously that he would cook this evening. Now that he had a guest, it was actually worth the trouble and, being honest, he liked the thought of cooking for Charles. He supplied lamb filets, potatos, fresh herbs and corn salad for the main dish and single cream, chocolate and strawberries among other things for a dark mousse au chocolat. With two stuffed bags he came back to his apartment. Three hours had passed by the time he had cleared away the stuff he had bought.  
Then he got his phone out and wrote a short message to Charles.  


  


_Got a little surprise for you later on. Make sure you’re here around 6-7pm._   


  


After he had sent the message his gaze fell upon something that lay on the floor to his feet. It must have been in the pockets of his trousers and fallen out when he had grabbed his phone. When he lifted it he saw that it was the organ donation card he had received from his doctor months ago. He mouthed a silent ‘Oh’ and realized that he still hadn’t decided.  
It only took him seconds to change that. He fumbled the pen out of his bag and filled in the necessary fields. Name, adress, age, size, weight, blood type, known allergies. The only thing that was missing was the authorized signsture of a doctor. In order to finish it, Erik directly called Dr. Hank McCoy and got an appointment in half an hour. His doctor was very happy to sign the card and they had a short, nice chat.  


As soon as he was back home he started cooking. First of all, he prepared the self made mousse au chocolat and cleaned the apartment while the mix of melted chocolate and cream had to cool down in the fridge before he could continue processing it. When the mousse was finished he started marinating the lamb filets in herbs and a sauce he knew from his grandmother. Before he put them in the oven he wrapped them in aluminium foil and added onions and whole cèpes. The meat would take about one and a half hour, so he sat down and did some research for the oncoming column he had yet to write. After an hour he started boiling the potatos as well and then sat down working again.  
When he finished his research, he frowned and looked out of the window. It was strange that now, that he had someone to take care of and who really meant something to him, he was far less concerned about Shaw. Of course it was always in the back of his head and from time to time he felt the subliminal pressure sliding back into his thoughts. But it wasn’t half as bad as he had first thought. Talking about it with Charles and being understood gave him so much confidence that he felt able to face it. He was able to deal with Shaw. And somehow, he would be able to shake him off, he knew it. This time was completely different to when he was ten years old. He was a man grown, physically highly resilent and independant. And one thing was clear: If Shaw wanted to use him, he had to be sure it was something that Erik was able to do without any bigger problems. Anything that would harm his condition would be recognized by his social surrounding and the risk would be too high that people started asking questions.  
Yes, he was sure that he would cope with the situation.  


Right in that moment the timer of the oven started ringing. Erik leaped off the armchair and checked the filets. Everything was perfect so far. He drained the potatos and wanted to start the salad when the doorbell rang. A wave of joy ran through his body when he lay down the salad spinner and went for the door.  
“Hey, Charles!” he greeted the student, taking his bag and letting him in.  
“Hi. You’re so good-humoured, have I missed something?”, said Charles, taking off his jacket and shoes. “Wow, it smells like heaven. Is that the surprise?” He added and took another deep breath.  
“It is. You’re receiving my best cooking today. Sit down, it’s almost finished. I only need to make the salad and set the table.”  
“Let me help you. Setting the table I mean. I won’t interfere in your glorious cooking.”  
They chuckled and Erik told Charles where he could find dishes, glasses and napkins. When Erik brought the salad boil he saw Charles sniffing the wine that Erik had already opened and put on the table.  


“I don’t know if you like whitewine. Late vintage and rich to the taste.” he explained, disappearing into the kitchen and coming back with another bowl with the potatoes and a plate with the lamb filets. When he had arranged everything on the table, Charles eyes grew wide.  
“Wow, Erik! I am impressed.” he cheered, smiling at the taller one.  
“Judge after you’ve tasted it.” Erik repaid, offering him a seat. “Do you want a glass of vine? I hope you don’t report me for offering alcohol to underages.”  
Charles chuckled quietly and hesitated.  
“I’ve never had wine before... but I think I’ll try it, yes.”  
Erik poured some into the two glasses and then started to serve the dish, explaining what exactly they were going to eat.  
Shortly after he had sat down, he saw that Charles was a bit pale. The smile on Erik’s face vanished and suddenly he remembered that the boy wasn’t the healthiest.  
“Are you okay?”  
The other nodded and waved the question away with a gesture of his hand. “Yes, I’m just... just tired. It was a long day and I haven’t had lunch.”  
“Then we better start eating.” Erik answered, trying to sound cheerful, but the concern left tracks in his voice. From the corner of his eyes he observed Charles’ expression and he smiled widely when he saw two raised eyebrows.  


With a half full mouth and holding a hand before his mouth Charles said “You’re kidding me... where have you learned cooking so well?”  
Erik grinned happily and took a sip of wine before he answered.  
“I just enjoy it, I guess I’m a natural. But apart from that I love cooking for someone. I’m glad you like it.”  
Charles only nodded enthusiastically and chewed on his second bite. Then Erik began to eat as well. In the meantime they talked about Charles’ day and about the students that liked to annoy him and had seen them together. After a bit of encouragement they switched the topic.  
  


  


“I think I’ve never been so happy being full.” Charles admitted after he had put down the fork. “Thank you so much, Erik, it’s been delicious.”  
Erik smiled in contentment and raised his glass in the other’s direction. Charles joined him and they emptied their glasses. The younger didn’t seem to have a high tolerance though, since his cheeks showed a slight adorable blush.  
“We’re not quite finished yet. There’s a dessert waiting in the fridge.” He said while he stood up and started to clean the table. The boy’s head followed his movements when he heard that.  
“I take everything back. There’s still room for a dessert.”  
Quickly, Erik put the plates in the dish washer and served the mousse au chocolat with the strawberries. When he came back and set it on the table before his guest, he heard a happy gasp. “I think I really am in heaven.” Charles breathed. “Is that self-made as well? I would have been totally satisfied with a cookie, just so you know.”  
“All self-made. And the best I ever managed.”  


“What an honour.” The yonger chuckled, swingling the spoon. He dipped it into the mousse and put it into his mouth. The sound that left his throat caught Erik’s undivided attention. It was a honey sweet, quiet moan that was doubtless the closest thing to a sin that Erik had ever heard. His mouth fell open and for a moment, he was unable to rip his eyes off those pink lips and these closed eyes and dark, thick eye-lashes.  
Only when Charles opened his eyes and smiled the most glowing smile he had ever seen on him, Erik found back his senses.  
“Good?” he asked, already knowing the answer.  
“I am speechless. I think I will never wand anything else but this for a dessert again.”  
“That’s what I wanted to hear.” Erik replied, grinning as if he’d won an Oscar. They enjoyed the sin of a dessert and Charles seemed to make it his sports to distract Erik by fishing the strwaberries with his fingers and sucking and nibbling on them in a way that should be forbidden. Somehow, the older made it through it all without replacing the red berries with his own lips, although he didn’t know how.  


“I hope you’re planning to repeat that.” Charles said, after he had licked the last bit of mousse off his forefinger. The blush on his cheeks became darker while he looked him in the eye, and Erik was overwhelmed by the intensity of his eyes. He was still pale, Erik thought, but that could as well be the white light, he told himself. Instead of giving an answer, he stood up and wanted to take Charles’ plate, but the student was quicker and took it himself. Once in the kitchen, the boy put them in the washer and turned around to face Erik.  
“I have to prepare for the lectures tomorrow, I hope that doesn’t disturb you.”  
“Oh, no. That’s quite good, actually. I have to write the next column anyway. But we could change already, if you like. Working in jogging pants has proved to be more eproductive.” Erik suggested, not even waiting for an answer. He was already turning around when he emptied his pockets and put his phone and the freshly made organ donation card on the kitchen table. After a few steps he hesitated, since he didn’t hear Charles following him. Again, he turned around and frowned.  


“Charles? What’s wrong? Do you need any clothes?” he wondered, going back to where the boy was still standing. “Charles?”  
Now that he saw the expression on his face, he was truly worried. The student’s face was white and his hands were trembling. He had seen him like that before and it had not ended well.  
“Can I help you? Do you need any-“  
“Why have you done that? Why?” Charles huffed under his breath, looking as if he had seen a car accident. He looked at him with his gritting teeth and hands curled up into fists. His eyes were assaulting, his lips shivering.  
“Why have I done what? What’s wrong with you, Charles?” Erik asked, this time more stricktly and completely confused.  
“Do you know...? You know it, right? Tell me!”  


Erik backed off, shocked by the terror in Charles’ voice. His eyes reflected anger, disappointment and fear.  
“Who told you? Was it Hank? I thought you wouldn’t...!!” he shouted, unable to hide his cracking voice and defend the tears in his eyes.  
“Charles, what..?”  
The boy was trembling so much that he had to grip the corner of the table in order to not collapse. His breathing was unsteady and quick and he clenched his chest in pain.  
“Don’t touch me! Don’t touch me, I can’t stand your pity!”  
The words still echoed off the walls when Charles rushed out of the kitchen and out of the apartment. He was so exasperated that he forgot his jacket and bag and stormed out of the building as quickly as his legs would allow.  


Erik was so perplexed that he stood frozen where he was, his mouth open and completely lost. Had he done something wrong? What had he missed?  
He needed a second before he realized that he needed to go after him. He was in such a bad condition that he could barely breathe. He grabbed his keys and followed Charles.  
The shock had given him extra power, it seemed, since the student was already heading to the park. It was the quickest way to his flat, Erik realized, and he needed to catch him before he could lock himself up in there. It had become dark, windy and cold in the meanwhile and Erik was already freezing when he crossed the street.  
“Charles! Wait, please!!” he called against the wind, fearing he wouldn’t hear it. He sprinted as fast as he could and was almost at him, when Charles turned around and gestured him to stop. For a moment there was only the noise of the wind between them, but then Erik couldn’t stand it any longer.  
“Please, Charles, you need to come with me. I want to help you!”  


But the other only shook his head and tried to shelter his face against the wind. First drops were mixing under it and a short gaze to the sky told Erik that another storm was upon London.  
“Leave me alone! Go away! You can’t help me, I don’t want your help!” he screamed, desperation ruling his voice. Erik could see the pain on his face and his heart filled with a heat he couldn’t define.  
“You do! Just look at you! I know you have a breakdown, I know it’s... it’s because of your pill addiction. I already know everything, what’s your problem?” he shouted, feeling hard drops on his skin.  
Charles didn’t answer, he was clenching his chest and hiding his face so that Erik couldn’t see it. He didn’t dare to approach him, afraid that he might run off again. After a few seconds that felt like hours, Charles lifted his head slowly and said: “I am no...”  
The last words didn’t leave his mouth. His eyes closed and he fell to the ground right where he stood.


	13. Acceptance

He felt his consciousness come back, his ears were buzzing loudly and his head was spinning. When the buzzing eased, he heard his own rapid heartbeat. Cold sweat covered his skin, his legs prickled. Slowly, he felt that he regained control over his body. He tried to swallow but his mouth was as dry as if he had eaten flour. When he was sure that the worst was over, he slowly opened his eyes. The light was dim and he could hear a storm outside.  


Then Charles remembered what had happened. His heart dropped at the thought and he sat up abruptly. He regretted it though, for it set his head spinning again. Only then he realized where he was. And as if it hadn’t been worse enough already, Erik entered the living room right then. Charles caught a glimpse of his expression before he dropped his view and avoided to look at him. Tension filled the air and the student found it hard to breathe. After he had nipped at the glass of water that Erik had given him, he dared to clear his throat.  
“So you didn’t bring me to the hospital...” he murmured, horrified by the sound of his own voice. It was sore and weak. Exactly as he felt himself.  
“If you wouldn’t have regained consciousness within the next 5 minutes, I would have.” Erik answered. His tone was cool, yet framed with worry. It took Charles a minute before he could bring out a careful ‘Thank you’. The other didn’t react, he only observed him. The boy stared at the glass in his hands and didn’t dare to meet Erik’s eyes.  


He knew exactly that he had overreacted but he knew as well that he couldn’t help himself. After a long pause with only the ticking sound of the big clock between them, Erik raised his voice. “Do you expect me to ignore this?”  
Charles bit his bottom lip.  
“... No.”  
Silence again.  


“...so?” He tried to swallow the knot in his throat, but it only became bigger. Tears began to blur his vision and he held the glass so tightly that his knuckles turned white. His breathing was irregular. Instead of an answer, he reached for his bag on the floor and opened it. With shaking hands, Charles searched for the package. When he got it, he felt as if he betrayed Erik. He had promised not to take the tablets in his presence, yet there he was, gulping down two at once with a mouthful of water as if to provoke him. It felt horrible.  
“For god’s sake, talk to me, Charles!” Erik blurted out, obviously sick of bearing his silence and watching him. “How can you deny that you need help? This addiction is taking over your life! You tried to run away and collapsed! You are in pain and expect me to stand there and do nothing? I tried to ignore your problems and respect your privacy, but my tolerance has a limit, I can’t take this anymore!”  


The words cut like swords. Charles knew Erik was as helpless as he was himself and didn’t know the effects of what he said, but the hurt was real nonetheless.  
“I am sorry to inform you, but I will put an end to this. I can’t keep my promise, I have to interfere. I won’t let you ruin your life like that, no. I won’t. You’re too important to me. Right tomorrow morning I will get you help, if you like it or not. We will fight this together, we will-“  


“I am not addicted.”  
Charles raised his gaze and met Erik’s. His vision wasn’t that blurry anymore, since the tears had started to roll down his cheeks already. To his surprise, he was still unexpectedly calm. Now that he had told him the truth, it was easier.  
Erik was confused, of course. He didn’t get it.  
“I am not addicted to pills.” Charles repeated, wiping away the tears with his sleeve. Erik’s mouth opened and closed.  


“Y-yes you are. You said it yourself, months ago, when we...”  
“Uh... no. Actually, I never said I was. You did. You reasoned that I was. I did only as much as to... not negate it.”  
Erik was still frowning, trying to understand what he was told. His expression showed Charles that he remembered the conversation. He seemed to catch a hint of the light behind the fog. The boy sniffed and closed his eyes for a second.  
“It was easier that way...” he started, trying to find back to his calm voice. But it was breaking, the emotions were taking over. “Y-you were the f-first one.. the first one to c-care a-about me. E-Except for my doctor.”  
As a reflex, Charles drew up his knees and unsuccessfully tried to ban the mistimed smile from the corners of his mouth. Erik sat still at the other end of the couch. His breath hitched when he went on.  


“I-I just w-wanted to be normal... I j-just... Y-you saw me with d-different eyes. I d-didn’t want you to... I didn’t want you to p-pity me as all the others have a-always done. As soon as they k-knew that I had a dangerous i-illness, they only saw me as a vulnerable, sick boy. A-And sooner or later... I s-started believing that I was n-nothing more than that and th-that I shouldn’t get too chummy with anyone b-because I didn’t know... how much time I had left.”  
Charles needed a moment to control his breathing. In that pause, Erik came a bit closer, holding back all the questions that he wanted to have answered so badly. The student drew a deep breath and gained all his courage to say the words.  


“I suffer from CHD, a congenital heart defect.”  
Oh, how much he hated these words. He had heard them too often. Read them too often. Explained them too often. Erik looked as if his world came apart at the seams. It took him a few moments to find his voice.  


“You... you mean... you are not addicted to tablets, but you are... you have a heart disease?”  
Charles sniffed again and nodded. On the one hand, he felt relieved now that he had said the truth. But on the other hand he felt trapped, threatened to be reduced to it again. It caused him another pang in his chest, but he ignored it. This was a one-way road and he had to walk it to the end.  
“M-my father had a heart attack and died when I was seven. Th-that was when I started to believe that I m-might have a heart disease as well. I didn’t tell my mother about my chronic complaints. After my f-father’s death she wasn’t the same woman anymore. She d-died as well when I was 13. The youth welfare office then m-made me go to the doctor as soon as they realized that I wasn’t as fit as other boys at my age. Shortly l-later I got the diagnosis: Mitral stenosis. Moderate to severe. My condition was very bad back then... Th-the doctors believed that I... that I wouldn’t get older than 20... because I the disease hadn’t been treated for a very long time.”  


Charles swallowed and drew a shaky breath with his eyes closed. The last time he had been to Dr. McCoy, he had told him that his condition had declined again.  
“Th-these pills... that are highly dosed beta blockers, among other m-medication. Mostly it’s for my circulatory... I a-am not a drug addict.”  
The silence that followed weighted heavy on the boy’s shoulders. He tried to calm down and stop crying, but his breathing wouldn’t slow down. It took a few minutes for the pills to operate. After a while, Charles feared that Erik might give up on him. But then he felt a warm hand on his shoulder and a desperate sigh left his lungs.  
“Charles... Why on earth would you rather let me believe that you are addicted to drugs than telling the truth? You... you’re not responsible for your condition. What do you think could have happened?” Erik asked, still confused about the whole situation. “And why did you run away earlier? What happened? Did I upset you?” he added, laying a hand on the boy’s cheek to raise his head. Charles watched him through fearful, anxious eyes. Why did he run away anyway? He sighed and leaned into the soft touch.  


“I... I know it’s ridiculous... it has nothing to do w-with my illness... but... I saw your organ donation card. I... I was so perplexed that I didn’t think about it twice. I thought you knew about it somehow. It... it freaked me out.”  
Erik’s thumb stroke his cheek and it felt so good it caused him goosebumps.  
“Oh my, Charles... It’s not as if I could donate any organ to help you. Would that I could, but...”  
“I know! I know, god, of course I know you can’t! I wouldn’t even want you to do that. I don’t want anybody’s help.” The student blurted out, a hint too loudly. He knew he should be more sensitive but it was impossible.  
“So you don’t want my help either? I offered it more than once already, we talked about tha-... oh god no...”  


Charles opened his eyes and looked at him.  
“I... god, I made you promise that you don’t take any pills in my presence. I can’t believe it... shit, how could you agree to that? You needed the medication! All the times when you were with me, you didn’t take any tablets!” Erik covered his eyes with one hand and let his head fall back. “It is my fault that you had breakdowns!”  
“Wait, no!” Charles interfered, shifting his position on the sofa so he could comfort Erik. “It’s not your fault, not at all! You made clear that you didn’t want to be confronted with it when we were together, that’s all. And I respected that, it was more than I could ask for.” He explained, one hand resting in Erik’s nape.  
“But you needed those pills!” the other said, guilt written all over his face.  
“Not as much as I needed you.”  


As soon as the words left his mouth, Charles felt the flush rise in his cheeks, ears and neck. It was nothing but the truth, his need for Erik outweighted his need for the medication, as absurd as that was. The words seemed to put an end to Erik’s conflict.  
“I... I can relate to that.” He murmured, alluding to the problem he had hidden from Charles in return. “Seems like we acted pretty similarly.”  
A weak smile formed on Charles’ lips. They both sat up properly.  
“But why wouldn’t you tell me the truth? I mean... Why didn’t you want me to know that you have CHD? It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”  
That question was aiming alarmingly close to the core. He pulled back his hand and bit his lower lip. At least the pills were showing their effect by now, his heartbeat was much closer to a normal rate. Otherwise this question would have sent him running once more. After thinking it over, Charles decided it was time that he told him. Erik was worth it, Erik was worth all the effort. He didn’t want to hide secrets from him any longer.  


“W-well... that’s a bit of a story...” he began, leaning back and wiping away the last tears on his cheeks. “You know, my father was a great man. Not much of a father to me, so to say, but a good husband. My mother loved him fiercely, it was incomparable to anything I’ve ever seen before. When he died, she... she died with him. She never saw that I suffered from CHD as well. She never wanted to see it. From the moment she lost her husband, she lost everything else. I didn’t matter to her anymore.” Charles explained while he fumbled with the seam of his pullover.  
Erik listened carefully.  
“You have to know that my family was, and is still, very wealthy. We lived at our mansion, which was part of the Xavier estate. You could say I had everyting I ever wanted, except that I had nothing that mattered to me. When my mother died, the youth welfare office took care of me. My parents had made arrangements so that the Xavier wealth will be passed on to me when I come of age. At the age of 13 I had no word in where I would live, so I came to a private orphanage. They thought it would be good for me to be among children at my age with a similar background.”  


He bent down to his bag once more and searched for his wallet. When he found it, he leaned back again and opened it, looking at a photo he carried inside. His mouth became dry once more and the knot in his throat built up again. Charles was unable to speak, he was just looking at that tiny photo, fighting the tears once more. After a while, Erik dared to ask, very carefully and quiet.  
“Who is this?”  
The boy took a shaky breath.  
“I met her the very first day at the orphanage. Her name is Raven.” He said, only loud enough for Erik to be heard. “She... she suffered from CHD as well, o-only that her condition was even worse than... than mine.”  
He swallowed. He had never talked about this with anyone and it was still so recent that it felt like yesterday.  


“She w-was the sister I’ve always wanted. She... she was my best friend.” Charles explained, while his fingers ran over the photo gently. “She died almost two years ago.”  
If he hadn’t spent all his tears for her already, he would have cried again. But he felt numb, dehydrated from grief. It had taken him a very long time until he had been able to go on. The wound hadn’t healed yet, no. But he could carry on. She had wanted him to.  
Erik put an arm around his shoulders for comfort.  
“I am so sorry that she passed away. She must have been a wonderful person.” He said in a calm voice and pressed the boy to his side. “You’ve gone through so much...”  
Charles feared that Erik would say something stereotyped, but once more Erik’s sense for words surprised him.  


“I am proud of you. You’re a very strong person and I am honoured to call me your friend.” He whispered, closely to Charles’ ear. The boy would have liked to tell him that he wanted more than being just friends, for the very first time in his life. But he didn’t feel brave enough for that now, and what Erik had just said meant everything in the world to him already. Nevertheless, Charles allowed himself to lean against Erik’s strong chest, inhaled his scent and let himself be embraced by his warmth.  
“I miss her so much...” he muttered before he could even think about what he was saying. His free hand automatically searched for Erik’s and carefully laid down on top of it.  
“I know, I know... I miss my mother as well, after all this time. But it’s a good thing. The more we miss someone, the more we love that person.”  
That actually helped. Charles had never thought about it like that, but it just made sense.  


“She was the loveliest girl I have ever met.” The boy said, finally giving in to the urge of telling him about her. He had wondered a few times already how he should or could introduce her. “She was half a yar younger than me and living at the orphanage for a long time already. Her parents had never been found. There was nothing in her life that was happy from the ground up. I was told that she didn’t get along with the other children, so the first day I walked right up to her and introduced myself. When she looked up from her colouring book... I don’t know, we both just knew we were meant to be together.”  
Charles sighed and closed his eyes.  


“It was the happiest time of my life. I have never felt so understood. She could tell how I was feeling when she saw me and I could tell what she was thinking when I looked into her eyes.” “That sounds miracolous.”  
“It was.”  
After a moment, Erik said: “Where is she buried?”  
The student opened his eyes again and blinked.  
“Her grave is very close to the orphanage. It’s a bit outside the city, almost in the countryside. All the times I visited her, I went there by train and bus.”  


He moved and looked at Erik, sensing something. When he saw the look in his eyes, he knew what he thought. Just as he always had with Raven.  
“Do... do you want to go there with me?” he muttered, as if he was scared to believe that Erik would do such a wonderful thing, almost not believing his intuition.  
Yet there it was: an approving, gentle smile. A nod.  
“I do. If that’s okay with you, of course. I want to pay her a visit and thank her for everything she’s done for you.”  


Charles’ chest filled with warmth and joy. It was unbelievable what a wonderful person Erik was. The sadness and fear of being reduced to his disease, of being alone again was gone. Gone forever, perhaps. Erik was there for him, he knew it. He was there and he wouldn’t leave. No matter how bad his condition got. He would be there.  


His heartbeat increased and it felt like his chest would explode from happiness. Charles felt so lucky that he couldn’t hold it back anymore. Dozens of times he had repressed this urge, but right then it took over his body and he was helpless. With one single, smooth move, he tilted his head, leaned in and closed his eyes, only to see millions of colours dancing when he felt the soft touch of Erik’s lips against his own. Time and excitement froze his movements and his breathing. There was nothing but this pair of lips, so very warm that Charles’ mind was blown away. It ws incomparable to anything he had imagined, it was so much better, because it was real. And on top of that, Erik didn’t pull back. He allowed it, and more than that. He repaid the kiss. The student felt the tender pressure returned, felt long, elegant fingers entangle with his own, felt a hand slide in between his shoulder blades to rest there and support him.  
This was his first completely intentional kiss, not to count the innocent kind of smooches he and Raven had exchanged, like siblings do. No, this was different. His skin prickled and he felt a bit dizzy. If he hadn’t taken the pills before, this would probably let him pass out from excitement.  


And although it was entirely new to him, he just knew what to do. His body acted on his own. Charles loosened their crossed fingers, lifted his hand tentatively and aimed for Erik’s chest, only to slide up more determined to the side of his neck. To his utter pleasant surprise, this move seemed to tear down any of Erik’s remaining reluctances, for now the older raised his hand as well and cupped the boy’s cheek, pulling him just a little closer. The pressure enlarged the tiniest bit, yet it was enough to create a vague heat in Charles’ belly that left him unarmed.  
The kiss seemed long overdue. Erik soon gained the upper hand and tilted his head as well after breaking the touch only as long as necessary and not leaving more than a molecule of air in between their lips. It was soft, warm, intense and relaxing as well as thrilling, especially when Erik gently took Charles’ bottom lip in between his own. The student sighed quietly, completely amazed by every move the other gifted to him. He decided that this had to be among the top ten of first kisses ever, knowing very well that he was influenced by his affection for Erik and the fact that he had no knowledge and experience at all.  


When the kiss became rather hot-blooded, they parted again, leaving enough space to be able to breathe properly. Charles was still trying to catch his breath when he realized that he was grinning from ear to ear, amlost chuckling.  
“Whoops...” he murmured, earning a snicker from the other.  
Only then he opened his eyes and dared to look into Erik’s without moving a bit.  
“Whoops indeed.” Erik muttered, grinning like a Cheshire cat himself.  
And in that moment, Charles was at peace with everything. He had told the truth, he hhid no secret from the other anymore. He could finally concentrate on what was important. Finally, he accepted himself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wohooo!  
> Finally it happened! Gods, I've been waiting to write this from the very moment I started the first chapter.  
> Thanks for sticking with me so long and thanks for over 2k notes!  
> I hope I can give you all a small 'thank you' <3
> 
> Here it is! I drew a fanart for all of you <3  
> http://dreamvention.tumblr.com/post/83735820414/acceptance-fanart-for-my-own-cherik-fanfiction


End file.
